Bismillah

Salam pembuka bagi entry kali ini, nyata saya sudah mati ide untuk blog ini yang telah sekian lama terkubur. Sebab itu saya mulakan dengan bismillah. Nyata saya sudah lama tidak berblogging. Bukan apa, semenjak saya tukar bekerja, saya tidak sempat mengeluh pasal kehidupan saya. Saya tutup sebentar hidup saya untuk sementara waktu.Kerana apa..? Kerana saya cuba menikmati hidup tanpa mahu mengeluh lagi akan manusia sekeliling dan mencari diri saya.
Buka kisah bab cari diri, sudah lama terkumat kamit dalam hati ini. Munglin yang saya cari bukan diri saya, tapi Allah. Tuhan yang Maha Esa.
Berbalik pada pekerjaan saya, yang benar propagandanya adalah untuk bermula dgn pencarian diri juga semakin kabur dan terbantut. Saya mula menyedari yang saya sebenarnya jauh lebih baik dari sebelum ini-tetapi sayang di pemikiran sahaja. Adakah bermaksud saya harus lahirkan idelogi dan falsafah saya tentang kehidupan. Tetapi dengan cara bekerja bersama mereka yang jauh lebih susah difahami dan yang sama erti dengannya, adalah sangat menakutkan. Ironinya, manusia lebih menakutkan saya daripada binatang kecil hitam coklat bernama lipas.
Yang pasti, saya tidak suka mereka.
Kisah cinta,marah,perasaan dan perasan sering kali hinggap seperti lalat di tingkap dapur rumah nenek saya di Linggi,Melaka. Al-kisahnya di Kuala Sg.Baru. Rumah Nenek paling kaya di tepi surau yang pernah saya alunkan azan sewaktu masih kecil bersongkok.Bila malam, saya gemar melihat atap rumah kampung itu, dari luar, bila di dalam saya lihat siling nya. Yang ada kipas siling berbunyi perlahan, sangat-sangat memahami suasana kampung. Lagi bunyi cicak, dan cengkerik ataupun katak.
Seperti sekarang, saya berada di wad hospital kuala lumpur. Menemani dan menjaga nenek saya Opah. Opah yang mana saya pernah dijaga olehnya semasa saya bersekolah rendah. Opah yang mana saya akan pergi mengikutnya ke pasar pagi membeli ikan, sayur dan lain2. Opah yang mana saya akan minta duit sebanyak 10sen membeli aiskrim malaysia kat depan rumah. Opah yang saya sayang. Opah yang semua orang sayang. Tapi kenapa sayang tapi tidak pula menjaganya dengan baik. Saya sekali lagi melihat di siling wad ini, lalu mengingatkan pada kampung. Cuma bezanya,ada lampu kalimantang yang besar jejarinya, dan besi2 elektrik dan pili air kecemasan, Bunyinya juga berbeza, ada bunyi batuk dari seorang tua, tapak kaki nurse yang kepenatan dengan seretan kasut,bunyi besi katil dr seorang tua yang mahu memanggil nurse. Malah kadang2 suara mereka yang menangis dan mencari anak. Saya berasa sangat kasihan pd mereka. Opah sedang tidur, saya harap dia cepat sembuh dan tersenyum seperti biasa. Orangnya sgt berbudi tinggi sopan santunnya. Setiap kali diucapnya terima kasih bila membantunya, dan maaf jika tidak dapat makan dan nampak saya. Kisah Endon Paras akan saya ceritakan lagi selepas entri ini.
Bismillah.

Oliver and Jake

Jake Gyllenhall (above) and Oliver Jackson-Cohen(below)

Yesterday, I had watched the Faster movie. And I think I am the late person who get discover this, by the way who is the guy play as killer in this Faster movie. He looks alike Jake Gyllenhall. So hard to pronounce the name (for me it is obvious!) Yes, that's Oliver Jackson-Cohen,yummy!

Well, if Taylor just break up with Jake, Can Oliver turn on Taylor? Come on, someone please match them! ..I love both of them. Now I don't know which one is most handsome. But Oliver has turn me on yesterday by his character in the movie than Jake in Brokeback mountain. Anyway, He is a rising star. Hopefully, the make up artist wont make it l too much look alike Jake by hair comb or dress. I wish Oliver get his own trail in the Hollywood itself.

Before this, I listed Toby Maguire, our spiderman look alike Jake, but Oliver has won the match! But if I will have a chance to date any one of this hot guy, I damn prefer my spiderman! Don't worry Oliver,seem you are British, and I love your accent,I absolutely will follow your next movie. Just keep in mind, you are cute though.

Love Flood

"....for a long time........I have been logged in to blogger site" and I have to recover the password I have forgotten. Even I have taken much time longer to think now what I have to share with you guys.

I do not recall why I did not post any update, I feel sorry for that. Looking up the unknown visitor, I am afraid if there is someone found me. Why? Because it seem like you started to let others know your weaknesses.

I also have been lost updating my current post, my situation and about the songs and melody swelling in my heart. The desire is almost unwelcoming myself.

I had changed a lot from my day to my past.

I had seek out the real dream, loyal lover, and break heart to someone.

I had run from inner self, and lost to the outside world.

I had changed my job,my way, my think and my expectation.

But I found out, love make me so.

Love make me fell too much loveless.

Love is me without him more. And I let it go slowly to resist the pitfalls.

I want to tell him, that I feel guilt started seeing with other guy. Because I am so fast.

I want him to know, that in a present I was talking with the guy, I hold my hand phone dialing his number to feel him. I wish him know, that I do feel him that most of the time.

And most of it, when the guy said he love me, I could not reply as I feel most to him.

And thats what the story of my love should be end. The moment he said Be Happy.

I started thinking the right for me. For the first I feel, he is happy and I am smiling.

And that was the time I feel most good to let everything goes beyond me.

I tested by call, chat, see him in cam, and he miscall, with my call. And it is proof love is lesser. It much more on feeling to own and to feel guilty. This is totally wrong for me.

And he had proven also, he is not worth it for the ball. The hard most I have to feel.

But facts does hurt.

I pray a new love tenderness are genuine. Much more romantic. Feeling deep inside and warmth. I admit I try.

May God forgive me,May God blessed me, Amen.