Bismillah

Salam pembuka bagi entry kali ini, nyata saya sudah mati ide untuk blog ini yang telah sekian lama terkubur. Sebab itu saya mulakan dengan bismillah. Nyata saya sudah lama tidak berblogging. Bukan apa, semenjak saya tukar bekerja, saya tidak sempat mengeluh pasal kehidupan saya. Saya tutup sebentar hidup saya untuk sementara waktu.Kerana apa..? Kerana saya cuba menikmati hidup tanpa mahu mengeluh lagi akan manusia sekeliling dan mencari diri saya.
Buka kisah bab cari diri, sudah lama terkumat kamit dalam hati ini. Munglin yang saya cari bukan diri saya, tapi Allah. Tuhan yang Maha Esa.
Berbalik pada pekerjaan saya, yang benar propagandanya adalah untuk bermula dgn pencarian diri juga semakin kabur dan terbantut. Saya mula menyedari yang saya sebenarnya jauh lebih baik dari sebelum ini-tetapi sayang di pemikiran sahaja. Adakah bermaksud saya harus lahirkan idelogi dan falsafah saya tentang kehidupan. Tetapi dengan cara bekerja bersama mereka yang jauh lebih susah difahami dan yang sama erti dengannya, adalah sangat menakutkan. Ironinya, manusia lebih menakutkan saya daripada binatang kecil hitam coklat bernama lipas.
Yang pasti, saya tidak suka mereka.
Kisah cinta,marah,perasaan dan perasan sering kali hinggap seperti lalat di tingkap dapur rumah nenek saya di Linggi,Melaka. Al-kisahnya di Kuala Sg.Baru. Rumah Nenek paling kaya di tepi surau yang pernah saya alunkan azan sewaktu masih kecil bersongkok.Bila malam, saya gemar melihat atap rumah kampung itu, dari luar, bila di dalam saya lihat siling nya. Yang ada kipas siling berbunyi perlahan, sangat-sangat memahami suasana kampung. Lagi bunyi cicak, dan cengkerik ataupun katak.
Seperti sekarang, saya berada di wad hospital kuala lumpur. Menemani dan menjaga nenek saya Opah. Opah yang mana saya pernah dijaga olehnya semasa saya bersekolah rendah. Opah yang mana saya akan pergi mengikutnya ke pasar pagi membeli ikan, sayur dan lain2. Opah yang mana saya akan minta duit sebanyak 10sen membeli aiskrim malaysia kat depan rumah. Opah yang saya sayang. Opah yang semua orang sayang. Tapi kenapa sayang tapi tidak pula menjaganya dengan baik. Saya sekali lagi melihat di siling wad ini, lalu mengingatkan pada kampung. Cuma bezanya,ada lampu kalimantang yang besar jejarinya, dan besi2 elektrik dan pili air kecemasan, Bunyinya juga berbeza, ada bunyi batuk dari seorang tua, tapak kaki nurse yang kepenatan dengan seretan kasut,bunyi besi katil dr seorang tua yang mahu memanggil nurse. Malah kadang2 suara mereka yang menangis dan mencari anak. Saya berasa sangat kasihan pd mereka. Opah sedang tidur, saya harap dia cepat sembuh dan tersenyum seperti biasa. Orangnya sgt berbudi tinggi sopan santunnya. Setiap kali diucapnya terima kasih bila membantunya, dan maaf jika tidak dapat makan dan nampak saya. Kisah Endon Paras akan saya ceritakan lagi selepas entri ini.
Bismillah.

Oliver and Jake

Jake Gyllenhall (above) and Oliver Jackson-Cohen(below)

Yesterday, I had watched the Faster movie. And I think I am the late person who get discover this, by the way who is the guy play as killer in this Faster movie. He looks alike Jake Gyllenhall. So hard to pronounce the name (for me it is obvious!) Yes, that's Oliver Jackson-Cohen,yummy!

Well, if Taylor just break up with Jake, Can Oliver turn on Taylor? Come on, someone please match them! ..I love both of them. Now I don't know which one is most handsome. But Oliver has turn me on yesterday by his character in the movie than Jake in Brokeback mountain. Anyway, He is a rising star. Hopefully, the make up artist wont make it l too much look alike Jake by hair comb or dress. I wish Oliver get his own trail in the Hollywood itself.

Before this, I listed Toby Maguire, our spiderman look alike Jake, but Oliver has won the match! But if I will have a chance to date any one of this hot guy, I damn prefer my spiderman! Don't worry Oliver,seem you are British, and I love your accent,I absolutely will follow your next movie. Just keep in mind, you are cute though.

Love Flood

"....for a long time........I have been logged in to blogger site" and I have to recover the password I have forgotten. Even I have taken much time longer to think now what I have to share with you guys.

I do not recall why I did not post any update, I feel sorry for that. Looking up the unknown visitor, I am afraid if there is someone found me. Why? Because it seem like you started to let others know your weaknesses.

I also have been lost updating my current post, my situation and about the songs and melody swelling in my heart. The desire is almost unwelcoming myself.

I had changed a lot from my day to my past.

I had seek out the real dream, loyal lover, and break heart to someone.

I had run from inner self, and lost to the outside world.

I had changed my job,my way, my think and my expectation.

But I found out, love make me so.

Love make me fell too much loveless.

Love is me without him more. And I let it go slowly to resist the pitfalls.

I want to tell him, that I feel guilt started seeing with other guy. Because I am so fast.

I want him to know, that in a present I was talking with the guy, I hold my hand phone dialing his number to feel him. I wish him know, that I do feel him that most of the time.

And most of it, when the guy said he love me, I could not reply as I feel most to him.

And thats what the story of my love should be end. The moment he said Be Happy.

I started thinking the right for me. For the first I feel, he is happy and I am smiling.

And that was the time I feel most good to let everything goes beyond me.

I tested by call, chat, see him in cam, and he miscall, with my call. And it is proof love is lesser. It much more on feeling to own and to feel guilty. This is totally wrong for me.

And he had proven also, he is not worth it for the ball. The hard most I have to feel.

But facts does hurt.

I pray a new love tenderness are genuine. Much more romantic. Feeling deep inside and warmth. I admit I try.

May God forgive me,May God blessed me, Amen.

Dah..

Dah pukul 3 pagi.

Dah lama dar x tidur lewat2 mcm ni.

Dah siap mop lantai 3 kali pon depan ruang tamu.

Dah juga siap minum air milo 2 kotak.

Dah dapat pun panggilan dia.

Dah call mak juga tadi, tp x dapat cakap-mak dalam bilik air.

Dah plan untuk esok pagi,tp ntah bangun ke tidak awal ni.

Dah karoeke gak dalam you tube.

Dah basuh baju juga.

.....semua ni buat malam sabtu, biar betul? Mana semangat aku dapat pun tak tahu.

Normally, aku akan duk main game malam sabtu or baru jer balik dr hanging out.

So, dah kira ok ar tu. Dah ar..nak tidur.

Dah lama x update blog.....apa darr. =(

Heartbreak

I was so hopeless when I found
I was the last choice
I was so damp feel so bad
When I knew it along the way
I feel you cheated on me
I feel you was not be true
It's hurt me...mmmmh
It's hurt me...mmmmh

So when there is nothing to say
So when there is nothing to me
I will just say I need to go
For live and love others
I want just go heartbreak


There is time of course
I do remember you,but i will strong
There is time I need to hate you
but I will just let it go
Letting u out of my mind
I will go heartbreak
I will go heartbreak

4 rules a Guy Should Know

In one love relationship, what is a guy words or actions is all about what will the girl takes on you more. She may just adapt u on beggining but then turn off when you may not realizes you just break her rules. Therefore 4 rules-a guy should know when he is in relationship :


1) Be a G-Spot
Hopefully it is not a 'g-spot' you may have in your mind now,but a guy-spot. Either you spotted her, or you are among a guy groups to be spot on. This rule applies almost in all girl. Why not?
Said to her-'she is different among the girl you have found'. Honestly,she does not care at all what categories different it was-either good or bad. What she wants all is - you had spot her. And when you spot her,means to her-she is on your mind. Thats all she need to checked. Girl loves attraction and more confession she will do in return. So from now on, keep spot her new shoes,her new makeup ways,her bad word on someone or family, or her bad ideas to turn on you.

2) Be Original
Well, she knows Shakespears had died away long past time ago and she do not need another copy. Eventhough she may look alike as a sport girl, but then she knows all about Shakespears. So please don't copy any love quotes or love word to make her melt on you. Make your own brand of love quotes to her. To be true, how lovely the words, to be fair on her-she will just then concludes -'All man is same'. So you actually do not earn any credit for that. Because when you are a copy-it means to her you are a potential lier or a player. Unless you do it in a right way. There is a time when she will know those word are original from you-she will tell you. But different thing she will not tell when she knows you are not being original. She will just keep you on eyes only. So be wise just be original and tell her as dummies way you are falling for her. Thats much better when dummies thing look awsome.

3) Be True
Definately,true and honesty is what lies in relationship. How true you are to her is most important matter rather than how well compromise you may with her. Why so?
Well compromise make both feel comprise. Well true does not offer that. One may feel surpress
or depress when true is reveal. Right? So, Be true. Admit everything to her what in your mind has. Said-Yes she turn you on, yes she hot, yes she getting fat with all cheese cake, yes she need diet,yes she is not invited. Some saying say girl dont like heard the true-well it applies to some jerks only. Those jerk who said true is just to throw rubbish word. But you are her man, she wants true from you so she can be true in return.

4) Be a Jury
Yes Jury not a Judges. What jury does is listen, collecting evidence and listen again after thinking carefully. How smart and mature you are? When only you can listen to her, she define you are mature. When you can listen and talk. You look look more smart to suit her. Thats all. Girls do not like when you too much judge on her appeal on you. Instead saying of 'I know you hot' or 'I know you like sex' please more rephrase it ' Do u feel hot as me' or 'Does sex make you crazy more with me'. Listen guys-Putting words more nicely on her will gives you more credit.

Thats all. May this rules applies helps you. Good luck. =)

Doctor who can draw.

Hi...I have not updated this blog for long time due to my busiest on health problem.

I went to doctor today and checked my BP. She draw some kind like this pic to illustrates to me how was about having a hypertension. Im kind of ..em ok..You explaning too good for me, but not a drawing. Hehe. She advised me to take a medical/treatment asap. But i defensed with my explanation about pills and my life terminology. But then who care after all .

I then went to my regular doctor I took my medication-I tell my doctor-maybe I will having a medical checked up.I dont want to failed again due to this illness. She gives me same medication I took before-which is I has taken but not follow up with her-I know Im not impress her anymore on any changes. But again who care after all. Huhu.

Then I need to revert back to her on this thursday again. Well what I need doc.is do you have any magic pills to make this illness lost. I know its impossible. So what.

Many thing happen for having no reason. Thats magic.

Well what about wat happen me now...- Rashes all body - huhu. =( Not magic. Wil updated why was that. Seeing ya. Bye

NO CHORUS-where's the line?

Lately, I loved to do something 'new' or something is 'different' -something that I'm not into it before. Sex? Oh no. It's not.-Even sometimes I do think it once. Haha.
I don't know suddenly I fall into karoake. I even can go alone by myself into the box music and keep it good as I wish. I went to Ampang Point,KL-meeting my friend who ask for my help on her assignment. Waiting her comes, I decided to sang 3 songs. And can you guess what the song is it through my riddle heres-Only three (3).

This morning when I woke up I realized something left behind on my 'dream'. I remmeber my sche with my friend.The day was raining lively, and I can see smiling day ahead. There is just like three bird on a window telling me-I dont need to worry. What should I. I am a sunshine today.
I then crossed over some group of sinner just like me. I really like doe without an enemies. It's just only you and what you want to be. I got say (all I need) for my ahppy ending. And its feels like when you told me that you loves me. Flown away and splitting it up on mind. But its not blows -only screwed up. No chorus for a lifes ups and down. And if you all want to know what is all about this-its just all about a day I liked very much.

(Haha if only someone knew this- slighly just a metaphora in my life)

Inception

Last Friday. Me and my unpected neighbourhood a.k.a co-worker having unexpected plan to watch this film. We set it up on 9 pm till almost 12.3o pm after we had dinner - What we call it a healthy food 'Sushi'. Yea. A salmon sushi and udon beef for me.

We had it on nice table with good set up in Sasake Sushi. That was my first time being there-in Leisure Mall Outlet-Cheras. (In Malaysia-for those international reader) =p.

I will like to conclude it as all precisely as good day - as I am more better with this unplanned activity. I much like the film pretty well than my mates -haha. who keep comment when the film should end. I like it much. Thanks for the time being I have and I feel so warm-No tension.

Smiles.

She resigned finale.

Well..on my way to back home, i try to switch on the phone eventhough the battery is crying for charging. I got one message...firstly-i thought from someone i used before to call me on net.
But it was my colleuge, and the text sound not good. I know she is resigned on this week. But boss doesn't has any clue yet,and i was just thinking the idea for her to work as an part time is a bet deal. But later on, I believes its hard for a admin exec to working as part time. Well thinking about a phone you has to make,a proposal you need to follow up,a quotation you need to fax and done it up,and also a not your job to seen, all this is unforseen when the idea is brought up. Wel, how come an admin can work fror 3-4 hours on that..bet she's online somemore. Shut up on that.
Just deal the work .Ok,fine...but I dotn know my boss is setting up his boat much more earlier. I dont know what is it all baout...when I get the text from her...Sound like this..
...S..Boss has ask me to resigned more earlier...and I will return all the things and also soem claim to you next week...not this week....cause...im in hospital...and the phone..is block...;
Whatever it is....i hope she's fine..and what she do in hospital..i guess her husband ... and now...im thinking,.why so cruel...who...guess what.
Then im thinking what I will be facing on next on..starting tomorrow...=(. Boss too hurdle...Work need to done before June up...and Multitasker is a second issue here.!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes...

Sometimes....
I dont know......why I was with him....
Sometimes.....
I dont know....why he like to hurt me....
Sometimes...
I hope he's not with me now.....
Sometimes...
He's making me much more bad than good....
Sometimes...
Its make me feel to loose it...
Sometimes...
People just like that........why? Why love and so on need to be so hurtled.?
Sometimes..
I wish to be somewhere place where I can see some love for me. Its enough maybe
than in having a relationship like this. =(.

Am I not happy..? I think it is.

Its just cannot be....that....

I dont know how can I get attached back to him. Yesterday and before yesterday-we chat. I dont know what should I do. Sometimes I think, the way its not like before. I cant feel him more. I just feel lonely but not for him. Maybe, my heart has closed again for a man. I dont know. But what the most sad for me now,is I cant feel anything. If I do feel, its was only a guilty feeling I had done to everyone. Sometimes I wish I could turn all my time, from my younger ages. There are many mistake I wish to corrected.All is just not fine for me now. Totally, I am feeling down now. Not more love,not more success,not a friend or a foe. Not even a salary more,not even anyone or family,not also a work,and boss, and also money. Its just ME.Yes it's me.
I think I has LOST.Many times in a 'mean' line.
Now...I wanna tell what was it.

First-Love. After I break up/dump him politely, what I just wish is only a friend relationship maybe I am not ready to loose him completely. Because, its already my routine to chat with him everyday and smile to him in cam. So, I do it slowly. But I never wish to give a chance. Well, I cant fall in love back when I am hurt. But, I need him as friend. Did I do wrong? Or I has wrong perception? In my situation,maybe YES. As long time I wish, I just want all not happen as what had happen to us. But its already happen, and I wish I can forget it. But its not easy.
He claimed to me,he will died,he sick,he admitted to hospital,a doctor call me,i assume a friend, all this is just sometime a 'shit story' I dont wish to heard. Its also a scary part. A moment guilty.
Or maybe he used this situation to stipulates me comes back to him. He knows, after all.
But what turn me off was my feeling has not like before. I think I LOVE him but I Hates him too.
LOVE as a foes, Hates like a friend. I never wish I can knew him...before. I wish I was not here now a day.This moment was so struggle dead meat for me. Because I has a feeling he want me for a moment he think he will died,who know next he is the killer. Yet,I still doubt everyone not him,mine too. I cant love him forever. Do he will read this? I gives him a sign . Many time.
But I never see he jump his site. He's only jumping on me. Fuck Him. Or Fuck me.
What I wanna do is just waiting he dump me. Until he obey that maybe we r not. Not in a line anyways. I dont know what will I be through.
But. I believes myself even I has doubt. I believes myself more than anyone. I know, that time is no longer for me to playin this. I know,I should stop. Listening to my song our song, tears down, its was just a part,of life sucks. But, remmeber those back, it was just gives me stronger and stronger than me, I should conquered myself beyond anyone dream or wish on me.
I should become more power in beneath live to HIM ,my God,my pray than a human lust.
I know, or I dont know. but One things must be clear, I am just NOT HAPPY WITH WHAT I HAVE DONE. AND I NEED TO REPENT AND I NEED TO RETURN ALL.

WHATS MY NEXT STEP.............

I miss Him..

Honestly after all what has happen,
tonite my eyes tears down when I heard our song. My songs.
I am keen to know does he think me,remember me, do i too much.
Instantly I dont want to call him, but I recall how was my said at first.
I should not do this, I should let it go. Believes dear S, I know....I can forget you.

But why I cant it now....believe S, you can do it. Take time, Have pleasure, I feel like want to fuck him now. Im so bad. Don't know why I used it old time. I mean it. I wanna kiss him and hug.

Then I took breath ,slowly I take all guts and eat the words. Slowly slowly....LET IT OVER S.
Whatever, you will never forget whatever things or person you loves,cares, everything was a part. Its a part of life, we cannot be apart from it. Just take and remains its on clog, gives a cuddle smile. This part is so hard.

I pray to God make us believes and make I confident on this. Just through a day without him now. And just let it be...let it go.....you the best of the best . You can handle this, your cry is true pure, so no need sad, just its a happy feeling, thats make me cry. Then, believes God, He always with you and you will find your ways to love. Amin.

Back to the future

This is my huge favouratisme movies if I wish I can watch again. Not only for the future but also to the past. But I refer this post title with my entry as back to my roomies again. As roomies just like my future. Can I represent that yet ..... or too fast to believes.
I just get back home and I see my room are all dirt and smashing around like a couch potato. So tired to clean the mess up-not to mess, for me it is.
He is waiting...i want to go to bath. a while a minute before said anything.

Gotcha!=p

Heart is never to be for 'The One'.

I read one article regarding how will you overcome on issue 'The One'. It is just a myths what was our suconcious mind picture to us. Like he is The One for ever after.
Fact,there is more than one of 'The One'. I also feel this true.

I cought him cheating on me many times. And today I believes to stop all this fake relationship.
He is not 'The One, even he tries to recite it from Matrix film. This time is present for the future,rather than what is past. I really don't know why guy keep doing good cheat on a girl he claimed he's in love. I wish I dont have to know it sometimes,but I accepted for some reason.

This should be my second broke up-I hope its much more better easier and earnest than before I been dumped. I wont let he feels like I do feel before. I will more be politely.

Because I treasure his love,and I wont hate him. I just want my life back as normal.

I very dispensable when someone lying to me, and flirt with other girl at a same time he hang with me. I dont know what wrong of him or me.

The most bad things is to love someone not loving us and letting us dreaming,than to lovings someone who said its over at beginning.

And, I gives my time thoughts. For sure, after doing some researched. I waited him so much for ready to confront and to tell its all over. For us.

What I hopes most is he got what he really want into and I got what it really has to come by.

Then I belives I wont be too much sad. As I did my best on him on every ways.

I am a just a fat girl-I want my day comes under blues everyday and each day.
Blossom grows on my present for future,while past is just a pathway I had through for not returning.

Because I am tired and at a same time I am happy I just has been home again.

Amin,

My friend wedding & my best cousin wedding

Last 20th Mac, I went to two wedding fuctions at a same time. Luckily both the place was not so far,and I get to managed my time. However I cant full enjoy the food because in hurry. Yet,tiring me.

Our first place is to go to my cousin wed's. Me,Mom and my lil sis. We are little bit late. So I can't see my grandma first-we all heading to the mouque for akad nikah ceremony. After my cousin akad nikah, in Sentul mosque, and of course after snap some nice shot with my lil bro handphone - I went to see my grandma-Opah. Everyone now is heading to the woman brides home to have some celebration and a lunch. Bit pity on Opah, she cant join us, because her old illness condition. When I enter the house, it was a small house -rented flat in mostly KL area. I see Opah sit calmly and lonely wacthing a tv.But I am sure the mind was not on the programmes she seem to watch, by looking her eyes, her old eyes has many stories to relief than her old aged.

She called my name..but with a long pause to make sure it was me. It is always like that, everytime I come, she will said...she will thought someone else came...before she knews it later its me. Her eyes is just flattened same with my chest. I gives her hand to sit. Because she stand when see me with shaking.

Nobody in home taking care her now.Everyone wants to join the wed's. But I can't let Opah alone here. So, I stood up a while and thinking I must wait here. Then others cousin came,and ask me to join to the woman bride. I said sorry, I think I must be here. I ate nasi lemak in front Opah and chat with her.

Then started mom and everyone came home. I was wonder why the bride did not come yet.
Well, Opah care my cousin since he's child more than my aunt. Its a bit groan.

Then, I am going to my friend wed's. It was so in a nick of time, when my friend already in their shot and I only get snapshot once.Because phone battery has weak.

Then I managed see my old friend when study in university.

Whatever...it was really tired day. And I am so happy. When its my time..mmmm...

Pantun Nasihat

Seminggu lepas,aku pulang ke rumah emak.Gara2 nak mentauliahkan adik aku yang baru lepas SPM.Result tak gempak tapi gamatnya kat mak.Risau adik aku tak makan sebab result bahasa inggeris D. Adik aku pun terlopong sedih. Aku nasihatkan dia semak semula moga2 dia boleh perjudikan result baru itu dengan kebarangkalian yang lebih baik. Yelah, D itu dah sempitkan jurang kursus yang boleh diambil,biarpun Sejarah,Sains dan Agamanya A-.

Niat nak jadi peguam,
Ambil jurusan law,
Tapi akhirnya tergamam,
Kerna result BI low.

Aku rasa semua ini ada hikmah.Dulu 6 tahun dulu berlaku perkara yang sama kat aku untuk subjek ekonomi dan sejarah, Tapi honestly aku tak tahu apa hikmahnya, Biarpun aku berkata ada,di awalan perenggan ini. Janji Tuhan sahaja yang Maha Mengetahui nasib kita di akhir nanti.

Cita cita nak jadi ahli arkeologi,
Ujian sejarah selalu gempak,
Bawa buku ekonomi lagi,
Tapi sayang semua tempelak.

Kalau dulu aku cemerlang,mak sahaja yang wish aku. Tak lupa kawan2,sahabat2 dan cikgu2 yang disanjungi umpama susu tin cap junjung. Lepas dapat SPM, ada suara jahat tempelak dari tepi. Ditanya adakah betul aku boleh belajar sampai Universiti,bolehker si dia sambung? Boleh ker.Nak ker dia.

Kalau Tuah lawan Jebat,
Tentu ada Sultan Melaka,
Kalau ada mulut jahat,
Sudah rezeki tak akan ke mana.

Setelah genap masa sedekad ku rasa,dah segulung ijazah aku gengam. Tanpa ada kegelisahan wang saku dari si jahat. Aku bertelungkus lumus,bersengkang mata buat kerja tambahan,part time kilang semata2 nak cari duit. Aku bukan lah mereka yang on handphone dan call "Mummy, nak duit,tak cukup" atau "Pa,bank in duit boleh tak". Aku malu nak bangga.

Ada bapak tapi menghilang,
Ada pengganti tapi melambai,
Janji hidup diri cemerlang,
Sampai mati diingat si lebai.

Tak sampai seminggu result SPM.Adik aku dapat hadiah hanphone N97 Mini. Dah dijanji pula laptop.Keputusan nak masuk U dah lupa. Tak cukup duit ditambah. Aduh, begini senang nasib anak sekarang,dibuai sampai ke atap. Apa kejadah pula ibu bapa sekarang melimpah anak dengan keseronokkan.Ingat lah susah sebelum senang.

Keluar di mulut bukan cemburu,
Dalam di hati nyata beringat,
Tiada ketulenan anak itu,
Bila dilimpahi emas dunia.

Walhal,tidak hairan lah. Anak anak sekarang ber dehem,berhentak,berdendam,dengan kasih sayangnya itu. Tidak hairanlah juga melimpah bapa2 tua di jalanan,ibu2 tua di pinggiran, dan anak2 muda di hiburan sana sini.

Sesungguhnya aku juga anak deheman itu. Cuma bukan pada yang salah. Mungkin benar kata guruku satu ketika, tak kemana tumpahnya kuah kalau tak ke nasi. Dan juga guruku yang lain, pernah berkata, anak2 pengikat ketebusan dosa2 keturunan nya itu.

Oleh itu, bersama2 lah kita insaf kan diri semoga jangan lah kelalaian kita dibalas bala ke atas manusia di sekeliling kita. Amin.

Walla....

I have a friend who use this word when something surprise him or need him to swear.
I don't know how was the sound on him voice, because we are chatting in net. Eventually, this was a muslim word, sounded like more 'Wall'ah' but when ever each time I got this 'Walla' from him. It makes like just walla!!...Or Holla....=), but I bet he means Wall'ah.

Walla....it's raining now...(hihi...i'm also use this word now..but not referring to sounded 'Wall'ah')

Does everyone has special word,term,or tagline in his or her every word? I believes it can be a trademark for someone remmebering you.

Like I have another friend during my unversity, one was always said..aha.....everytime in her opening or closing words.Hahaa...

Me too before, always said Good...for everything even for nothing. So, one of my friend really like this word on me. Hihi.

What about you guys?...Aha..

Love letter

Dear My Love,

There is never one day before I’m going to bed, without wishing to see u, and let my wild dream fascinating with you into one. My deepest love is lusting for your breath. My night is your dream. My heart and soul is for yours. And my love is a pure feeling to you. I had never been in this before, and you’re the one and the last. My hope is lies for you to come and bring me. My priority is hold onto your name.

My Dearest,

Foremost I ever wanted to be with together. Foremost I ever wish to hold your arms and hands forever. I can’t deny this love is everlasting for you. I want you to be my life partner, my eyes and my ears, as you are my deepest love to this journey of love life.
My said, was truthful, yet unforgettable, and nothing impossible. It is nothing unreachable, as I am weary, and you make me stronger. Will you stand by me, Hold onto my love and I never let you go?

I am blessed to fall in love with you, I am keen this love is my fated. You are beyond my future. May you and I will stay forever and happily ever after.

From whom he’s in love.
Love.

I love'you all

I will miss all my sight and routine there...
I will miss my friends and all thedepartment..
I am sure will miss you'all...Love you'all... Thanks for the farewell and gift. Unexpected gift from Human Resource Department too. Sad, I cant get chance meet all of them,I wish everyone good luck in future as they had wish me too. Humty Dumpty was forgetten me. =(

10.20pm-This is a last time of my working day I have been there. 17th February 2010.
Really I wish to hug all my thing-table and chair...I am gonna miss it all. For sure!!!

Before taking my last steped outside, I grab some quitely office picture,so it can remembered me how was my day,in earlier 7.00 am before and 7.00pm. The time whic I used to be there workin...workin..workin..

And for all the person.I seek forgiveness and sorry, If I had did some wrong.
Honest and frankly,I really really really enjoy meeting up you guys as team work and we did a good job done. We compromise better, We loughing and sharing altogether,we build our relationship day by day without realize it we are all seem a family.

As life must go on,life must be keep up and go a way, I thankful for everything moment we had.
And thanks for supporting me this journey of work.

And foremost, may we be forgiven each other. May we rise from success. I will start my new working place on 22nd February 2010. A new start journey....again...=)


And I will never quit...!!!!!!! Go SS!!!

Time to think and act!!

Stand by Me

I had a good time with him...He called me sugar...
I always make him angry...and smile to him...
He always 'mwah' me...and ask me.."Do I dream him yesterday night"?
I called him a gift from God. I really comfortable with him, to talk anything until bout period.
I swear if he can stand by me, nothing much more left for me to died for him to grant his love and everything. A song by Shane ward-Stand by me is my beautiful moment with him.

Nothing's impossible

Nothing's unreachable

When I am weary

You make me stronger

This love is beautiful

So unforgettable

I feel no winter cold

When we're together

When we're together

[chorus]

Will you stand by me

Hold on and never let me go

Will you stand by me

With you I know I belong

When the story gets told

When day turns into night

I look into your eyes

I see my future now

All the world and its wonder

This love wont fade away

And through the hardest days

I'll never question us

You are the reason

My only reason

Will you stand by me

Hold on and never let me go

Will you stand by me

With you I know I belong

When the story gets told

I am blessedTo find what

I needIn a world loosing hope

You're my only believe

You make things right

Everytime after time

Will you stand by me

Hold on and never let me go

Will you stand by me

With you I know I belong

When the story gets told

[repeat chorus]

Stand by me

No more darling

I want you by my side

I want you hear with me

I had never knew what is Love is?

Dear,
I don't know you much,
But I do know- I miss you so much,
Got to be something right in my heart,
Because you are the reason...(Can't deny it)

You are the reason for me, not to forget,
And a reason for me to keep smile,
And for all what I believes I belong,
I think I had never knew what is Love is...

The first things feels best when we were together,
Never thought of it, if we are far away,
Can't take it much time longer to hold,
Maybe I never knew what is Love is...

What is feelin to fall in love with you...(What is love is..)
What is all about to love with me....(What is love is...)
Please God, keep me reach out this feelin,
I was wonder where is the love I do got to knew.

No...I wont said it anymore...
I had never knew what is all about us...

No...I wont said it anymore...
I had never knew what is Love is...

Created new songs by Me.
Hand Made by-TK

Y.E.T poem

Yesterday,
All my trouble seem far away,
Since my hope last for someone,
Its feel like walk alone and slowly.
When there is a wind blows my hair,
And I hug myself for cold.

Everyday,
A dream to have,A goal to accomplish,
An attempt to seek, A loves to desire,
I will never back off for one piece,
Thy never believes my time is over,
Though believes control my destiny.

Tonite,
A faith with open hand to God Almighty,
Never deny Him power,
Much screwed up on road passing,
I seek a magical and hope.
Gives me a loves and happiness.

Tommorrow,
There is still me myself,
Companionship my treasure,
Hunting my genetics,
Lower my head and talk like a king,
Humour like clown,
Hope never ends,
with faith to Him.

Forever,
TK.

Bukan apa.....

Bukan apa nak berkira sgt...tp penat lah ajar budak baru ni...ulat buku betul....
tak paham2..ok bukan apa..memanglar dalam 1 weeks...masa x cukup ...ngam2 kat kerongkong jer.....ala2...kalau silap tercekik ..buat silap lar...eh..penat no na habak....
Bukan apa nak berkata sangat pun juga...teman cuma nak kongsi. Mana boleh ditanya teman post teman sesuai budak degree ke tak...then assume kerja teman mcm remeh jer....dip dah lar....kang I takut dia minta gaji lebih2.
Bukan apa pun gaji lebih mcm hang bagi pun..kan bukan apa nak berkira pun gaji....
Bab teman, teman asalnya taklah berkira, tapi lepas tu, patut dah patut sgt dah teman berkira
Bukan apa pun, teman buat kerja teman 2 ,4 ,6 kali lebih baik dr teman2 dulu. Insyaallah teman tak menunjuk atau blagak apa pun, bukan apa..teman belajar merangkak sampai berdiri.
I should proud my self..and thanks syukur kat tuhan. Proud sbb diri sebab teman taklah merendah diri no, kill to hardwork man...!! Akan terus 2 berusaha.!!! Cari sampai Dapat maaa...
Bukan apa....semuanya dari Tuhan . Barangsiapa nak mengubah takdir usahalah sendiri..ni teman pegang sampai mati, Ingat Tuhan sampai mati. Sebab tu teman punyai semgt kerja luar biasa. Oleh sebab itu lah...bukan apa pun sgt, bila tiada menghargai teman, buat tepi sidai mop jer, teman marah, teman terkilan.

Ada pula cerita teman lakonkan itu, jadi satu negatif pada teman pula. Kononnya teman dapat offer lg tinggi dr tempat lain. Mungkin kot....eh eh...Tidak sebenarnya. Bukan apa...sama...aja.
No why not more...? Kiranya ada lah kawan teman jawab mcm ni..bila ingat teman dapat offer tinggi...why not more....why not.....mmm...not more why lah...bukan apa.

Teman nak boss yg suka teman, percaya teman mampu, yakin temannye keje, dan tak dikotak katikkan kerja bodoh2. Teman rasa inner self down betul kalau dapat mcm ini. Sebab jati diri teman ni -ewah jatilah konon.....bukan apa..means...perangai teman ni sikap....cara....way...
jangan dikongkong2 kerja autonomi nak buat, jangan disuruh2, jangan diacah2, jangan terlalu terlalu kawal monitor teman. teman rimas .....boleh outperform dibuatnyer...bukan apa banyak sgt jangannnyer...buruk lah pula...

Bukan apa....teman ni rasa mcm...tak dipentingkan sgt,just lalu2 jer, tiup2 udara jer kerjanya, bukan management tahu penat teman belajar sendiri, bila nak offer dah black and whte naik rm200...tiba2 ada melaun mana sakit hatikot, jadi rm100...so what..? tulis pangkah ngan pensel jer.....terasa teman...bg teman..if employer tu kalau betul2 nak employee yang dia nak remains tu...mesti dia nak sgt sgt lar...takkan nak berkira pun.....kalau betul dia hargai apa teman dah buat...ni semua kerja sampah teman dah tolong juga...huhu...bukan apa nak berkira..
lah je ni...tibe2....dah la lupakan..bukan apa

teman tekad ...teman tahu teman mampu pergi lebih jauh tak mahu duduk bawah org mcm ni sebab tu teman buat keputusan resign.

teman tak nak menyesal...sebab teman tahu teman lari dari org yg betul....as per above lar....its all depends actually for management nak naikkan kiter ke tak..

lgpun teman benci sekutu2, sekroni2.....seperasan2...bukan apa...

teman manusia lemah.....

maafkan teman Ya Allah....Teman nak ubah nasib teman lagi sekali dan berusah. Bantu Teman ..
Amin .

Bossini Bossana

Aku cukup geram dgn Humty Dumty(Bossini)..Haiz...Tahu-tahu sambut besday aritu je baru, pastu pg2 dah call tanya kenapa aku tak start cari kerja yang dia nak.
Aku pun jawab..No...you forget sir, we finish discussing around 4.30pm..then we celebrates your birthday..and everyone back home..I do something else, KR also back....You forgot?
Hahaha...diam terus siot...Haha..
Sekarang ni minggu closing, tahu2 aku dia dah dapatkan new girl for post KR, as per expected dlm kanun undang2 UMNO aku-Untuk melayu naya orang, yang masuk parti depa juga. MCA.
Nak Cina jugak!!..Kalau bagus ....insyallah lah...tapi experience 1 and half year juga from MyEG Compani gaks. Huk huk...Bila lah melayu nak bangun asyik ditindas ni.
Takde kena pon mcm nak yg diecpectkan. What the hell ya . Fikir2 plak mcm mana plak Bossana aku nanti. Aku pun akan resign 17hb ni. Kali ini bawah MIC. Rela lagi nak bekerjasama dr MCA.
Tp aku benci betul hipothesis Humty Dumty kat boss future aku ni. Mcm sial jer....ingat dia tu bagus sgt ker...Mmm...ada lah bagus tuuu....but...**** ehhh....why so calculative I am??

One more nak story ni, si Teh cukup lah takut aku tak turun ilmu....kat new girl . Not .I am okay bab turun ilmu. Pasal aku memang anak melayu jati- orang melayu yang baik tak berprangsangka nak turunkan ilmu. Ni lah orang melayu kan. Tapi yang ko nak rush2 nape.
Kang pecah kpala budak tu. Gila tak pasal. Boleh ker dia nak follow up within 1 week. Before this KR handover dgn AJ pon 2 weeks. Tu pun 2 weeks yg bergigi 'patah'...lubang2.
Ni pulak nak 1 weeks. 2 post at same time. Wallahualam. Biarpun dia nyusahi basangi dia juga lahi.

Hello....when I come there...No one back me up.Okay. I stand by myself and study myself from a sample before and see how work is carry. And what the hell.....you nak takut2 new girl tak leh buat. As kalau dah percaya sgt hang punya bangsa tu boleh buat kerja.....make up mind...!! Lah.
I know where I standing out for. Tu yang panda IT tu stock stationery pun nak kena amikkan.

Hey woke up lah orang melayu. Jom bangun sama2, kita ni bukan lemah. Bukan untuk dipijak lepas dimerdekakan. Bukan untuk dimop2...buat sidaian jer tepi beranda..Bila perlu jer ada bangsa nak. Bila bodoh letak tepi...Aku merayu kat semua bangsa melayu, rajin2 lah kerja harta macam org Cina tapi jgn jadi mcm dorang yang jenis 'ortodoks' sgt. Bukan semua mcm tu.
Ni pengajaran supaya kita sama2 meningkat maju berdaya saing mcm saranan Pak Najib.

Tgk2 sama jer lah yg sokong 1 Malaysia ni Pak Najib.

Org melayu yang mcm sial tindas bangsa sendiri pun patot letak jer kat kandang tuu. Again, please. Dont look down on Malay.....and Malay jgn sennag sgt makan nasi lemak jer pagi2. Woke up for your bangsa. As per Tun nak.

Humty Dumty Birthday

Harini,pukul 4 kami sedepartment nak sambut besday HD. Nak sambut ker? Sebelum ni, keluh semua nak sambut,nak sponsor pun susah. Saya tidaklah kisah sgt,tapi bak kata Kajol, kalau nak sambut,after this baik sambut semuanya sekali. Betul juga..? Tapi....ayat 'Why you'all so calculative" .......mmmm....kena plak batang hidung sendiri.
Well,sebab sepakat ramai yang kata dont want,tak nak,and even I pun cakap xda duit. But, in depth much because someone kempen say NO. Mmmm...kesian lah.
Kesian kat kami ni semua. Why we all so calculative.? Why why why?.....Sometimes, bila saya nak tidur pun saya terfikir,why we hate much. But saya percaya semuanya hanya dimulut,sebab manusia tak sentiasa tunjjukkan apa yang dia taknak,rather apa yang dia nak. Like, maybe someone like to be seeing as calculative,but she wont show. And also someone yang silent,yes sir, or ok sir, actually memberontak hatinya. Like me?...Do I?
Well, cerita kek, nak beli untuk HD akhirnya disponsor oleh Teh. Saya percaya Teh buat begini, untuk merapatkan HD dgn kami.
Saya rasa malu nak makan kek itu,bila saya sendiri yang tak nak bayar, dan saya sendiri juga yang mengherdiknya dalam hati. Saya tak sangka saya sekejam mcm itu.
Honestly, I dont really like to be faked.I dont like, I am show it, but some considerable event, I dont. But mostly, tindakan sy sgt2 keterlaluan,apabila saya sgt dalam keadaan tidak terkawal.
Mungkin, gunung berapi sudah meletup.
Saya dan AP masuk lambat ke dewan Mawar itu, kami sampai selepas HD selesai ucapan terima kasihnya. Saya dimaklumkan dia berterima kasih oada kami,dan mereka yang hendak pergi meniggalkan ofis ni, 'I am sorry, I may not be a good boss'.
Saya tak nafikan,tapi dia manusia, saya juga dan juga rakan 2 yang lain. Jadi, saya bertanya pada diri saya. Apa yang perlu saya ubah satu perkara sebelum saya berhenti ialah, berhenti menjadi 'silent dan gembirakan semuanya selagi masih ada masa'.

Mungkin saya akan begitu juga. Saya sgt faham situasi ini. Percayalah.

Sambungan Resignation

Seperti yg dijangka, Humty Dumty sudah memanggil saya untuk ke ofisnya pagi lagi. Saya pergi dengan hati 'suspens',mengakal apa yang boleh berlaku dgn langkah yg sgt perlahan. Saya bawa sekali report reconciliation untuk ditunjukkan-mungkin boleh 'point up' hal lain selain resignation saya.
Akal saya hanya bertahan beberapa minit sahaja. Report reconciliation itu juga 'kalah' dalam pertaruhan. Saya ditanya oleh Humty Dumty.(memang tidak boleh lari)

HD: What is this.? (Sambil tunjuk kat surat resign I). Are you resigning? Why?
TK: Yes. I get an offer.
HD: May I know what is considering you to left this job? What is a reason?
TK: I have a plan for my heading future. (Saya tak sure saya jawab macam mana,kelam kabut)
HD: I regret to let you go, you get better opportunity here,believes me,for me, it is better you to think twice. If me, I will. Believe me. Are you really going? Can anything will stop.
If you want more better paid, I will.I can reconsider. But you have to gain more responsibility. Would you? You are my concern.
TK: (I was actually blur this time. I am not hopefully to be in this situation.)
HD: May I know, what is your offer,how much they paid you,how was the company, industry, why and why.

Foremost,he keep condemn me and I know he will just ok and fine to sign the resignation letter just right out of W-question. This is only a a play. I know.

I can feel it. I can see it. I know the pyschologhy of person. I swear.

Maybe Teh, yes she did ask me to rethink and consider the offer, but no offer has been spell out yet. What the fuck to said lar. And I dont like to be positioned under them. Bloody fuck more on this.

I a taking a risk,in fact. I am proud I think I had make a such remarkable changes again on me and started new life.

After discussion, company wont let me go earlier. One month notice without my leave adjustment.

Then, what can I said more, he gives a more, more,more stupid work. For a me , not an IA.

Thats a problem.Aye isnt' fucking the ho.

Subhanallah,marah dan geram saya ni. Saya dah patutu bersyukur, sekurang nya saya masih berada dalam keadaan sihat dan bahagia. Ya Allah, kuat dan tabahkan hati hambamu ni.Amin.

Resignation

Tadi saya beri surat berhenti kerja pada Teh. Hari esok mungkin saya akan berhadapan dengan Humty Dumty. Saya tahu tindakan ini akan dipersoalkan, cuma berharap janganlah sampai ke akar umbi. Cukup sekadar,mereka tahu saya gembira di situ dan saya perlu alternatif kerja baru ini, sebagai pengukur kejayaan yang hendak dicipta.
Lagipun, perkara kecil sahaja saya ni, adalah juga Teh berkali2 suruh saya fikirkan semula tindakan ini,dan minta saya stay, she also offer me a GL position. If i needed so, money is a matter. I can deny.
But, I am actually didnt heading to more paid,its just same. What can I say that? Win-Win situation. Mmm, entahlah sayu juga hati saya ni hendak meninggalkan hotel itu.
My fren there,AP,said that I am a type of 'silent customer'...,saya tertanya, samakah ia dengan 'silent killer'...She added more, that my tender could be lead management think it's not fair.
Ini tidak adil!!...Apa...
Dakwaan Shareen itu sama sekali tidak tepat, saya mengaku kebarangkalian anggapan itu wujud mungkin ada. Tapi saya sudah juga diperlakukan tidak adil. Adakah saya salah untuk tidak mengadu kerja dengan timpalan gaji serta kelayakan saya kepada syarikat.? Tidak kah saya berlebihan dari mereka yang lagi lama bekerja disitu? Perlukah saya beri alasan-alasan tidak membangun saya semata2 hendak kenaikkan pangkat dan gaji.? Perlukah sepanduk diletakkan dan melaung...saya perlu lebih adil. Ini lah masalahnya, saya binggung.
Masanya tidak sesuai.Tempat nya juga tidak sesuai, begitu juga dengan kelompok orang untuk berbicara tentang ini. Susah saya hendak leraikan isi hati ni.
Saya ada maruah. Saya menjaga air muka saya, tidak akan saya minta kenaikan pangkat dan gaji jika saya rasa saya sudah cukup. Dan janganlah memberi saya setelah membeli saya.
Janganlah naikkan gaji saya semata-mata baru menyedari kesilapan syarikat.
Saya tidak mahu menjadi pinocchio. Saya rela menjadi pari-pari. Mencari tempat teduh sehingga saya berjumpa tempat saya yang sebenar.
Maafkan saya.

Hikmah Solat Dua Rakaat

Diriwayatkan bahawa Rasulullah SAW telah bersabda yang bermaksud" "Setelah Allah SWT selesai menciptakan Jibrail as dengan bentuk yang cantik, dan Allah menciptakan pula baginya 600 sayap yang panjang , sayap itu antara timur dan barat (ada pendapat lain menyatakan 124, 000 sayap). Setelah itu Jibrail as memandang dirinya sendiri dan berkata :" Wahai Tuhanku, adakah engkau menciptakan makhluk yang lebih baik daripada aku?." Lalu Allah berfirman yang bermaksud.. "Tidak.."Kemudian JIbrail as berdiri serta solat dua rakaat kerana syukur kepada Allah swt. dan tiap2 rakaat itu lamanya 20,000 tahun.Setelah selesai jibrail as solat, maka Allah SWT berfirman yang bermaksud.."Wahai Jibrail, kamu telah menyembah aku dengan ibadah yang bersungguh-sungguh, dan tidak ada seorang pun yang menyembah kepadaku seperti ibadat kamu, akan tetapi diakhir zaman nanti aka! n datang seorang nabi yang mulia yang paling aku cintai, namanya ''Muhammad." Dia mempunyai umat yang lemah dan sentiasa berdosa; sekiranya mereka itu mengerjakan solat dua rakaat yang hanya sebentar sahaja, dan mereka dalam keadaan lupa serta serba kurang, fikiran mereka melayang bermacam=macam dan dosa mereka pun besar juga. Maka demi kemuliaannKu dan ketinggianKu, sesungguhnya solat mereka itu aku lebih sukai dari solatmu itu. Kerana mereka mengerjakan solat atas perintahKu, sedangkan kamu mengerjakan solat bukan atas perintahKu."Kemudian Jibrail as berkata: "Ya Tuhanku, apakah yang Engkau hadiahkan kepada mereka sebagai imbalan ibadat mereka?"Lalu Allah berfirman yang bermaksud.."Ya Jibrail, akan Aku berikan syurga Ma''waa sebagai tempat tinggal... " Kemudian JIbrail as meminta izin keada Allah untuk melihat syura Ma''waa. Setelah Jibrail as mendapat izin dari Allah SWT maka pergilah Jibrail as dengan mengembangkan sayapnya dan terbang, setiap dia men! gembangkan dua sayapnya dia boleh menempuh jarak perjalana 3000 tahun, terbanglah malaikat jibrail as selama 300 tahun sehingga ia merasa letih dan lemah dan akhirnya dia turun singgah berteduh di bawah bayangan sebuah pohon dan dia sujud kepada Allah SWT lalu ia berkata dalam sujud:" Ya Tuhanku apakah sudah aku menempuh jarak perjalanan setengahnya, atau sepertiganya, atau seperempatnya?"Kemudian Allah swt berfirman yang bermaksud.."Wahai JIbrail, kalau kamu dapat terbang selama 3000 tahun dan meskipun aku memberikan kekuatan kepadamu seperti kekuatan yang engkau miliki, lalu kamu terbang seperti yang telah kamu lakukan, nescaya kamu tidak akan sampai kepada sepersepuluh dari beberapa perpuluhan yang telah kuberikan kepada umat Muhammad terhadap imbalan solat dua rakaat yang mereka kerjakan... .."

Ku petik dari laman sesawang-http://ms.shvoong.com/books/1744593-hikmah-solat-dua-rakaat/ sebagai ikhtibar pada kita manusia yang lemah......wallahualam...

Life and Loves

Life and Loves
They are sharing together,
For one to whom he or she is belong,
They are needs in each other,
To fill the heat and warm of a pure lust,
But who may concern to loves,
Fall once in his lives.
Yet never thy loves will ends,
Despite life will end,
Love is continuing its lives.
And foremost,
For a man, and a woman,
Loves is their life,
And children,
Lives for loves,
Life and Loves,
From where we are
And for what we died for.

Macam- macam

Harini bangun pukul 11 pagi.Kepala terasa pening sebelah.Mata pun sakit.

Penat memikirkan draft kerja semalam sampai lewat mlm depan komputer ni agaknya.
Fuhh....

Aku pasrah sebab aku dah tak dapat kerja .


Mana aku nak tuju sekarang.

Failed Medical Check-up

Not a MC again...Medical Check Up...brokes my heart.

10.14am - Tuesday-05-06-2010

I received a call from Citigroup HR people, apologized for not getting me hired in their 'family'. I was really speechless and listen with sad. With all things in my mind, I was not really consent with what they said, I was really feel unfair and jeopardized myself.
I know I am under medication with Hypertension, but is it really so bad to encountered for? I ask politely to Lina.
I am really guessing myself. Do I really bad with the Hypertension title. Which limit my future to hold? Which may regards as a 'bad luck'? Or anything name given for bad things.

I take deep breath and keep myself calm and pray for that whole day to 'Please Allah gives me a bravery to still hold the truth, You know what is Good for me in front of me, back., and side'

'Please..and please beyond me to off-limit this all kind'.

Is Medical Check up is really a good choice for the pre-employment act. In my case, I don't know. Maybe they wont think to insured the hypertension employer in future.

All this is sick for me.

Lina, I know she kind of trying telling me to the tip of the iceberg, and make me understand that the working condition may not welcoming a hypertension 140/80.

Or did I make wrong by giving a clause I am under medication.

However, I still gratefull I am lovely girl who really strong. (Do I?)
I just cry and sit on my Pray Mat - As I know He is judging me.
But, Really I hope I dont want this. Could it be any best offer and good after this.
And Citygroup just brokes my heart. I already in high aim with this company.
I didnt mad at anyone or anygroup even to any company or life.
Just I feel sad for me. I feel I make myself sucks for this. But I know I shouldnt said this.
So, I write.

With every hopes is just for mom. And this I am not ready to tell her yet.

I will having tomorrow interview with Sime Darby. I am a good Hypertension and cherish worker. I know.

Wish me luck. =(

Praktikal

Ada seorang budak praktikal, dah sebulan join company aku. Girl, degree in business,Uitm Sabah roundly age 21+. Khabarnya anak buah datin, company ni. Ada aku kisah?
Masa dia mula2 join,ramai kata persis rupanya sama mcm aku. Blah lar. Mana ada. Benci betul kalau ada orang samakan muka aku dengan sesapa yang aku tak suka sgt nak berkenan. Kalau kata muka macam Angelina Jolie,tak adalah aku nak 'touch' sgt. Haha!!!
Pelik, boss aku boleh tak tahu ada budak praktikal nak join. Apa hal HR tak update boss. Lantak lah ini internal issuing problem. Malas nak join.
Aku jumpa boss aku dalam tandas, dia tanya aku samaada aku tahu hal ni. Gila nak mengaku. Aku pun berlakon lah kata tak tahu,baru tahu. 'Semalam I MC lar,I pun baru tahu tadi'.
Padahal dah 2 minggu lalu aku dah tahu dari cucu Haji. Cucu Haji nak menuntut ilmu dengan aku, kasihan terlepas. Cucu Haji pun dah naik 'title'.
Boleh Humty Dumty pun ingat budak praktikal ni aku. Snow White cerita, Humty Dumty masuk ofis nampak budak tu,terus panggil nama aku. Then, dia dah tahu dia tersalah panggil, dia boleh cover jalan terus ke meja aku di belakang. Sure, aku tak ada. MC.
Dia tanya Snow white,mana aku.' Kak xxxx takda. MC' Hehe.
Sekarang ni, budak praktikal itu aku under training dgn aku. 3 minggu. Sekejap je pejam jelik.
Aku pun ganyah dia buat report,start dr hari pertama lagi. Dan dah berceramah sudah 3 hari ni.

Kenapa? Persediaan lah. Maybe aku dah tak lama lagi akan berhijrah. So, aku nak prepare benteng lah ni.Bagi aku, dia ni biasa2 je,so far. Not my type to 'hang on'. Al maklum nama pun praktikal. So 'Optikal' je lah dahulu ye.

Lirik Lagu Opick " Bila Waktu Tlah Berakhir "

Bagaimana Kau Merasa Bangga
Akan Dunia Yg Sementara
Bagaimanakah Bila Semua
Hilang dan Pergi Meninggalkan Dirimu

Bagaimanakah Bila Saatnya
Waktu Terhenti Tak Kau Sadari
Masikah Ada Jalan Bagimu
Untuk Kembali
Mengulangkan Masa Lalu

Dunia Dipenuhi Dengan Hiasan
Semua dan Segala Yg Ada
Akan Kembali PadaNya
Bila Waktu Tlah Memenggil
Teman Sejati Hanyalah Amal
Bila Waktu Telah Terhenti
Teman Sejati Tingallah Sepi

Bila waktu Telah Berakhir

Alhamdullilah....rupanya lagu ini lagu Opick Aku dah tahu.

Aku hampir kenal suara ni sebenarnya, tapi aku lupa dimana aku pernah dengar suara dan nyanyian Assalamualaikum.


Ok.ok..Ingat lagi entri semalam.-Selagi ada waktu. Rupanya lagu tema nya ialah lagu Opick-Bila waktu Telah Berakhir. Masa aku dengar kesemua lagu2 susunan track itu, aku dapat cam 2-3 buah lagu yang memang pernah aku dah dengar . Tapi dari kumpulan mana, atau download mana, atau dimana aku dengar.
So puas aku godek susunan fail musik dalam laptop ini sampaiker download song all susunan ku rodek. Rupanya2...teduduk diam CD opick itu dalam rak musik lagu aku. Hah..
Betul betul ni. Album Opick Ya Rahman hadiah dari Gaby,kawan indonesia masa belajar. Sungguh aku terharu. Rupanya berada dekat sahaja. Tapi lagu Bila waktu telah terhenti itu tiada dalam track Ya Rahman ni, Cuma ada Assalamualaikum,Beruntunglah,Allah Cinta dan lain 2 -3.

Huhuhuhu......So...Macam mana aku boleh tahu lagu ni Opick punyer. Ok ceritanya macam ni.
Aku balik, dan aku dengar lagu ni betul2,walaupun puas aku dengar lagu ni, kat opis, meang ada setengah lagu ini aku tahu ada unsur Opick, so aku biarkan sahaja berlegar dalam fikiran.
Aku dengar lagu inisambil tulis lirik lagu ini dalam words, lirik Bila waktu terhenti macam sesuai jadi tajuk lagu ni,so aku google dalam internet.
Keluar list lagu yang hampir sama namanya bersama artis Opick, Aku buka link dan lihat lirik nya sama seperti yang aku lakarkan itu.
So. Opick lah . Alhamdullilah. Aku bersyukur sangat.

Aku memang suka sangat Opick sejak ikut lagu Obat Hati nya, lalu aku kirim lagu Opick dari kawan seberang, Tak sangka Opick mencuri hati aku lagi dengan nyanyian Ini.

Aku mahu ucapkan tahniah pada Opick kerana lagu2 yang dibawa sungguh indah maknanyer.

Alhamdullilah. Opick Usahalah lagi.

Selagi ada waktu

Aku rasa bersyukur sangat harini, akhirnya lagu yang aku cari selama ni tlahpun aku jumpa.
Drama sempena Hari Raya Aidiladha-Selagi ada waktu (2009), sangat2 menyentuh jiwa aku. Apatah lagi bila salah satu lagunya-indonesia,dialun sekali. Pengajaran drama itu untuk aku adalah sangat besar maknanya bagi pengorbanan seorg anak kepada orang tua. Sungguh. Titis air mata ini tika terlalu asyik dengan alunan tema lagu itu. Sampai digelakkan adik2. Al maklum, cerita2 genre sedih bukan pilihan dihati atau dimata, mudah sgt terleleh air mata ni. Namun aku puas seribu bahasa.

Sayang tajuk tema kumpulan nyanyian ini dan penyanyinya langsung aku tak tahu. Aku
pasti mereka mungkin bukan kumpulan yang terkenal,dan hanyalah band kecil di Indonesia. Tapi belum tentu. Mungkin salah. Sebab puas pulun aku mencari di sesawang internet, dan
Google nama dan drama ini, semata-mata untuk lebih tahu lagu ini.

Tidak sangka,ketika balik dr kerja,aku ambil teksi di Lrt Cheras,untuk kerumah, biasanya aku gah berjalan kaki ke rumah. Di dalam teksi, aku terdengar alunan lagu tema Selagi ada waktu ini, pantas aku menegur pakcik driver,aku tahu dia bukan dengar radio, tapi CD. Jadi, ku tanya, kumpulan apakah ni, dan tajuk apakah ni, ?

Sayang dia sendiri tak tahu, dia ambil dari anaknya,yang merupakan salah seorang yang terlibat dalam penyuntingan cerita ini, dan mendapat CD salinan dari anaknya sahaja. Dia kata, ini dari cerita Selagi ada waktu.

Ye. Cerita ini dah banyak komen dalam internet. Cuba google. Tapi bila google untuk tajuk lagu, keluar selagi ada rindu pulak..!!. Nehi...Wrong..

So, aku masih tak tahu tajuk lagu ni dan tak berputus asa mencari dan Google sampai dapat.

Dari penerangan pakcik teksi tu, katanya kumpulan ni taklah sefeymes macam kumpulan Samsons ker,yang melambak2 dalam internet. Entahler.

Tak sangka, setelah sebulan. Tiba2 aku ternaik lagi teksi pakcik itu tadi, aku tekad. Aku kebahkan diri dan tebalkan muka.

Pakcik, orang yang saya tanya pasal CD haritukan. Dia Ingat. Bagus. So, aku belum sempat nak minta pinjam. Dia dah keluarkan dari CD -rom radio teksi tu, lalu hulurkan aku CD-RW itu. Memang. CD . Yes. Aku senyum tergila. Hehe. Aku cakap pakcik saya mohon pinjam. Aku dapat kad pakcik itu, so esok aku akan cuba locate dia dan pulangkan semula.

Aku dah copy lagu ini dalam laptop.Jangan laptop buat hal udah. Huhuhu. Aku sangat bersyukur.

Biarpun dalam CD RW,ni,adalah salinan, dan tiada bertajuk, semuanya track order, aku yakin, aku akan tahu juga satu hari nanti tajuk lagu ni. Sekarang ni aku sedang enjoy lagu ni. Hehe.

Semua best. Lagunye ku putar2. Aku akui indonesia mempunyai banyak band2 yang jitu2 bagusnya. Tahniah dong!!!!

Salam. Amin.

It's just my luck

21st December-I woke up as usual and prepare to go to work. I can feel my chest is pain and can't breath easily. My cough hardly beat and gives my head spin each time. I can feel the temperature is slightly high. I guess I should not go to work. But I won't MC again. So, I went up too.

In office, after my morning schedule finished with the report, I went to HR and asked a copy of MC form. An approval for me to went to the nearby clinics and get the treatment. I went up to the clinics with a girl working in 5th Floor in my hotel. I discovered she just make a think to go there too, when I did said I maybe up to clinics later if she wants to locate me,after passed a report.

I get an MC from a Doc. for only a day-a day?...That's was half day only.ok Doc. I ask for tomorrow too, he refused. I dont bring gun, if I do, he already finished. Hehe.
He was too calculatives and also been known of all my collegues of this refusal attitude.
But I am really sick. really really.

Then,I showed up my face in office in half hour later,finishing up my work for Humty Dumty to sign. This is urgent for government tax return before 28th of months to Customs. Since many 'birds' on top we have to rush for a signatures,must not be late.

My friends make messy with me and asked just go home-you already got an MC. Yea...I said. I am. Please dont jealous. I just finish up one thing which is very important. Who knows, I may got ill and MC again tomorrow. Hehe.

1.00.pm-I took cab, and rush home for pills and medicines for me to get long sleep and rest.

P/S: I wear 3 clothes to sleep and no fan is on, however, I still not sweating to make me healing.

6.00pm-I woke up by my mom phone calls, my mom said Rozie call me for an accepted of job offer. Who Rozie..?.What job offer..? I apply quiet lot. But I am waiting this. Yes..Yes..Yes..
Citygroup just accept me and I got the offer for the post junior exec. I got it, mom..!!!!
Yeah...!!!!

It's was just my luck and I am happy. With this pain I carry its just feel so great with this good news. I call Rozie,and forgive for failed to contact me, I off my another no.'s phone, and I am not in good health today, thanks for call my mom and given the offer. It was a quite increased in paid in 31% with good future I will have. Dont care if the work was 'heavy' and busy as claimed by the Hiring Manager.

P/S-One thing is bothered me now, is i have to do Medical Check up....I afraid. My BP may gives some problems.

SHE 'EAT' WHAT SHE SAID

Here, one officemate doesn't really know what she said. Honestly, it is obvious, she 'shit' her words.
She is old age single mom and temporary hired under the company. Now, I just want to share my ideas about her. Not to means anythin' to blackmail or any. As a human principle, I just want to post out an inner voice.
Well, nothing best on her for me to say so in term of responsible, workaholic, and her experienced,
However, I don't hesitate to critized in her behaviour. Such as as an old mom, she quite much mumble, rumbling, and also sort of hypocrite. Then, she is also a 'rumours' bringing. Completely...
She is not as she asked us and expect to be. She said as what she 'eat' too.
Again, about her.
She showed me a budget,and clearly make me to make it confidential, not to let other knows. However, this morning, due to dissatisfied to Humty Dumty, she just reach out of point on this issue and share with Smiley. They both murmurung and just 'eat' those words..lar.
Next. As she is not a professional,she like to talk, (pleased to given advises) Huh?..I hate when I trapped in this situation. But her advises was ot welcoming, whe is not a perfect, I admit.
Not everyone is perfect, we all human. However, soem reason might fall to her, is just because, she just realized whatm good, I bet she did spoil her time when younger. She spoke to me, or any person, with very unwelcomed posession, and downgraded a person, or just like she is ready to become a
Minister. What a fuck.?
Like, if she meet you, she loves to discover yourself inner weak. By asking, your life mission, What a heck? Come on. We didnt..war. Like your interest, your profile and anything whe then will make a conclusion about your self.
What a crazy mate.....
I really dont like the attitude.
THE ATTITUDE IS WRONG. MUMBLE AND NOT HONEST WHEN INSTRUCTED TO DO SO.
I HATED HER.

I AM SORRY.

And now loves and enjoyable to be perfectonist and also a simple minded but thought she is not. She really hopefull she will be able to continues with this company, like she is ALL KNOWS.

I feel disgrated wth her. But I hpe I wont be liek her, and able to be more better person.
What I wish for me is a POLITENESS, HUMBLE, HONEST, AND HARDWORKING.

4 basic things to help me improve through my work and professionalism.

Sesungguhnya dilanda belegu keboringan

Aduh...Alah...Hisyh....Aiiiiih....Huh..?
Semuani ayat2 setan aku dari pagi ni kat ofis ni.Entah kenapa aku rasa keliru, bosan dan cela dengan semua ni. Aku bermatian tunggu panggilan interview dari Citygroup. Layak ke.Terima ke aku?
Masalah lagi KR ni ..poyo betul lar...asyik 2 berfalsafah dengan aku...huhuhu.
Matilah ...Lantak lar...pekakkan jer telinga ni...
Suka hidup mati aku ni....Arghhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aku akui gelisah ni.Tak tahu kenapa hati ni rasa x sedap dan semacam jer. Pastu aku nak buat kerja mcm x hepi seperti smlm. Then aku terfikir nasib aku yang malang ni dan kerja yang mcm cabuk jer aku buat ni. Aku layak lagi ke tempat lain rasanya ni, Huhu....Tapi aku dapat rasa KR ni bukanlah seorang supporting ...bukan aku nak dia support aku..cuma cara dia cakap tu macam bah jer...air itu ke simen...kalau bagus sgt pon takper.....lebih kurang jer..( dia kat tepi depan aku ni).....
Ni ngumpat zaman moden...hehehe....

Dahpun...macam ludah jer kot..pui.....ayat2 nye semuanya macam x patut ...semua mcm sebenarnye better untuk dia or sesuai dgn kehendak dia tu...

Sial...jer.

Mmmm....contoh2...nanti ar...malas nak tulis.

Aku nak Blah TAHU...nak BLAH DR SINI....PLEASE LAR......IM CRAZY BORED THIS BLODDY HELL.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Fuhhh..

Setahun dah berblog.

Kalau betul -dan memang betul first entri yang aku post ke blog Diari Tin Kemik ni pada 8 DECEMBER 2008. Maknanya dah setahun aku berblog kat sini. Langsung tak sedar waktu dan masa. Kalau ikutkan Selasa lepas lar 8 DECEMBER 2009. It was my blog anniversary...
Yahooooo.....congratulation and celebration!!!.... Aku tak sangka aku keep up to date dengan baik so far and keep blogging bout people around my life and my life. Hehe...Got it?

And secara kebetulan pula, 8 DECEMBER 2009-itu aku ambil leave dan hadiri interview.
Aku harap keramat lar hari tu.

Aku masih menunggu jawapan.

Untuk ucapan ulang tahun diari ni, aku nak buat wish " xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" fuhhhhhhh'

Aku mahu menjadi lebih baik dr semalam. AMIN.

OC

Harini aku cek bill seperti rutin harian, tiba-tiba aku perasan slh sorang tmpt keje aku ni dapat OC. Aku tahular, dia baru dinaikkan pangkat ke officer-siap boleh dapat OC bill lagi ker?
Aku sedih ar nape aku masih di tampuk lama. Kalau compare beban kerja and qualification better lagi aku. Or what ever lar..takkan sebab ura2 dia nak resign boss aku siap bagi bagus punyer offer. Bila pulak position aku ni nak dinaikan skill nya. Mentang2 dia kawan cucu pak haji tu.
Aku rasa memang 'double standard' ar...bukan aku nak OC.Aku akur lar aku x patut nak dengki.
Tu rezeki masing2 aku, aku cuma terkilan . Siapa lah yg nampak aku ni kat situ. Siapalah yang tahu aku ni betul2 kerja. Maybe x cukup ker lagi.?
Aku dah a-z buat. Entah lar. Lepas tu aku tengah tunggu2 ni mana lar...org nak call ni kata aku dap di offerkan kerja. Aku tunggu dgn penuh 'keluhan', Where is the call.
Kalau dlm within 2 weeks...merana.Please
Ya Allah..aku berdoa meminta engkau keajaiban untuk aku, berikan aku kerjaya yang lebih baik dari ini, apa adakah ini untuk ku, ?
Aku mohon ampun beribu ampun atas kelekaan ku melupakan mu. Aku mahu berjaya dengan benar ya allah.berikan aku semangat.
aku mahu seribu peratus mahu berubah. berikan aku peluang. Pleasseeeeeeeeeeeee.......

Kavitha ?

Waktu 7.05 pagi. Location is in my Ampang Fullhouse.

Situation : After cross the road, bus stop Sg.Putih.

Bahu dicuit oleh Indian girl, looks memang pernah aku kenal. Langsung tak perasan sesiapa kat bus stop tu, kerana kekusyukkan menunggu bas metro. =)

Dia : Are...u....SS (bukan nama sebenar)..kan?
Aku: ...Huh...ya saya....siapa? (sambil hulur tangan untuk salam)
Dia : Senyum. I ni Kavitha lar. Ingat?
Aku: (Malu kucing kurap)

Mak oi, Kavitha (Ma' Prend). Syok gile jumpa si Kavitha ni, dan tak disangka2 pula, kita bertemu di Sg Putih ni. Sg. Klang yang gland tu pun aku tak pernah jumpa sesiapa. Hehe.
Sebelum bas metro yang jauh tu sampai depan mata kitaorang, kami sempat update informasi masing2. Tentang kerja, tentang further study and of course bila jumpa je kawan lama, lain tak bukan soalan bonanza nya, U dah kahwin ke belum. Uiks..."Belum" jawapku sipu seperti siput.

Interestingly, she is now more beautiful and more outrangeous. Even married. Newly wed-couple rupanya. And currently working in one of Singapore consultation company.

Both of we heboh berborak sampai fullhouse dah bas. Very exciting story we did share,like:
-Our secondary school memory and best buddy to hang on, Suzanna. ( Where is she?)

Kavitha, Aku dan Suzanna. Tiga kawan ni, SMKTT batch kami, mesti tahu kami ni memang suka buat lawak. Kalau jumpa riuh. Sekepala mentertawakan orang dan mengejek. Kelas berbeza masa Form 4&5 tapi berbaris semasa perhimpunan bersebelahan sahaja.

Kerja kami borak dan ketawa jer time guru besar ceramah pagi.

Masa Form 2&3-Aku dengan Suzana sama kelas. Form 2 dia cikgu vokal aku. Dia yang kenalkan aku dengan kumpulan Westlife ni. Kami ada lirik Westlife-Flying without wings, time boring kami praktis. Hehe.

Masa Form 3- Aku dgn Suzana pernah kena saman dlm kelas Geografi berdiri atas kerusi sebab ketawa tak putus2. Tak boleh tahan dengan lawak2 Suzanna.

What a memorable time we have and enjoy. I dont know where she is now. I miss her la.

Actually, It's feel really great meeting old friend surprisedly. One dignity when they still remember me with full name. Not once. I don't know what picture they got me on theirs mind until can remembering me. But I loves the feelings. Aduhhh... (Aku cinta bangat kawan2 ku )

Ada incident funny time nak change no. Kavitha ni. Ini ceritanya...

Aku: U kavitha...(terdiam)...sidhu..kan?
Bantai Gelak si Kavitha. Aku pun rasa semacam je ni. Hahah...I am completely lost ....actually. Nak cover...cakap banyak tengok Bollywood. Kavitha Lakshmi sebenarnya.

Malam ni baru aku sedar apa aku cakap. Haha. Kavitha Sidhu tu pelakon/model cerita Puntianak Harum Sundal Malam. =?......=) What to said more...Haha..

My new HandPhone is TechSavvy!!

Sucks....I forgot to bring home my handset-I did left it in my office near the office telephone. Thats was my last hope to alarm me for wake me up at 6.00 0'clock in a morning.
I just realized it on my way home. And I am thinking the alternatives way.
I take my alarm table. The clock is wrong due to the needle. So, I try to break the glasses so I can fixed the needle, as the needle can only be fix by doing so. The back hole control it has lost too. What a weird clock have in my room, and I dont dump it. Luckily, but now, I cant break the glass, and the time was differ 4 hours. Means if I want to wake up at 6, it will ring at 2.am . Ohhhhh Shit....

What I am gonna to do? I see my room - I got clothes to wash on, I got things to clean up, I got math exercise to keep up, and got internet to online too.. Rating number one goes to Internet.
Can't blame technologhy. Hehe.

Well its seem a terrific night. If only technology too can make my handphone back by itself to me. Technology!! Just like this.

Come Back .....Trinity 013.....Roger and Out....( Hahaha )

Tiada jalan hendak kutuju.

Aku dah hantar cv ke banyak syarikat dan juga email kepada HR dan personal tertentu.
Aku dah set kepala aku akan pergi. Aku bingung . Tiada panggilan.
Aku kurang apa.
Aku sesat jalanku ni.

Gonna be resign but when...

Well cheers blog reader there, I just decided for not working in this Hotel anymore. Jolies is coming, Humty Dumty may be wise luck to be transfer to another sub's co. and also T is just being nice to me. Not to said, all colleuge here were all fantastic. I really find joy and laughter here. And admits it is a best medicine for me after all I run from my audit working experience.
Somehow, theres is a landside for me, I hope and wish for to move further.
I see people with financial ability with big smile in front me. Its clumpsy the vision. I should more focus. Visionlized me only.

I did went to one interview here just around a corner building. It was very not impressived at all to met the interviewer. I can see she not even interested on me, Blindly I admit - It was just like captured a dead fish feeling.

I did try another banking sector here, instead of my aunty recommendation. I asked the despatch in my company here to drop the letter into the red box.
I was not happy, when I just found out he did not send yet.It is still in his pouch bag. I swear I see it. But he completely denied. What a shame I have to rush him and seek the truth. I dont like people lied me. Just said I'm sorry I forgot. I will dump in later.

What's a blind people....here..!!

Then, I did plan some application in coming weeks. Theres is a career fair ahead soon. I will go with Winnie the Pooh the UIA girl.

What I just hope for is My tender resignation must be send by 01.12.2009.

Can its,been done?...Are you ready.....Here I come..

P&L Meeting

" I just free from the cage.
I just flown away."

Since T has come to this office, she didnt invited me to join in the meeting anymore. Since Humty Dumty also have bigger SIT too, I really find myself was overexciting. Wasn't reallt sure why was that feeling. Its definately not me,sometimes. Well, I just got more space now and feel comfort.
Theres no harsh and push and yes more.

I havent attend the minutes for 2 months already-Sept and Oct. Ifind its kinda of relaxing when the superior its not around us, when we did some compliments on our's desk. Oh...terrific to said, I'm not internet addict.
Just at least I got write this. I haven't update my progress lately.

Well, many had happens to me. And there is a lot of surprisedand overwhelmed situation, also fun.

Basically, for this post I just want to share my feelings about how I feel when I did not join the corum.

Well, at first I find it easy to cope with my works and dont have to pay attention to someone big position talking. However, I did not feel happy the react of T and the decision she did, she didnt ask me whether I am OK withdraw from the corum. Because..

I still want to get something new there. As Humty Dumty is right at some certain, 'Didn't I want to learn something"..

T is completely different with Him. And He is still dump for me. Haha....

MARUAH DIPIJAK DENGAN PUNGGUK

Aku macam dah sedia yang aku akan berhenti kerja. Mungkin sangat digalakkan oleh lebai malang dan sedikit memburukkan imej bodoh aku ini. Entah bila lah aku mampu dan boleh melepaskan kerja jawatan ini.
Hari ni dalam sejarah. Apabila aku dimaki teruk dengan burung pungguk botak. Kisah yang tidak pernah di jangka. Aku kini lebih marah dan geram kerana gagal sekali lagi tersungkur.
Aku hanya menjalankan tugas ku..Its my job.
Aku cuba mengambil tahu dan up to date akan kerja ku. Aku cuma mahu berada di garis betul.
Manakan tahu hendak jadi begini, si setan pungguk botak itu hanyalah PA kepada seorang kawan lebai malang, dan lebih menyedihkan perasan mempunyai kuasa Illahi. Seolah-olah aku yang bersalah, dan segala-galanya.
Kata2nya umpama duri yang beracun apabila dengan lantang membesarkan suara "AWAK TAHU SIAPA SAYA, AWAK INGAT SAYA NI SIAPA,SAYA BOLEH BUAT SOMETHING KAT AWAK TAU, AKU NANGIS DALAM HATI.
AKU BENCI BILA ADA MEREKA YANG BERBUAT BEGINI. AKU BENCI MEREKA.
AKU BENCI.
AKU TIDAK SEDAR APA YANG AKU BALAS PERKATAAN AKU HAMPIR BERKATA BAHAWA MACAM ORANG TAK WARAS NAK MARAH AKU.
AKU PEDULI APA. KEMUDIAN DIA MAHU BERJUMPA DAN SURUH AKU KE BAWAH. BUNYI BETUL2 JAHAT DAN TUSUK. AKU TIDAK MAHU MEMANJANGKAN LALU AKU MEMOHON MAAF DENGAN MENELEFON SEMULA. AKU BERKATA DENGAN MENUNDUK DIRI DAN TERASA MACAM AKU MELETAKKAN MARUAH NI DI BAWAH TAPAK KAKI BATANG PUNGGUK TU. AKU TERASA DIRI AKU LEMAH. AKU BENCI.
LALU AKU KEBALKAN MULUT YANG AKU MINTA MAAF DAN DIA SEPERTI GEMBIRA.


AKU DECLARED PERANG SEKALI LAGI...

Hepi BesDay AziEM

Detik 00.00 pagi 28.10.2009 ni aku nak sms Aziem nak wish Happy Besday kat dia. Selalunya pukul 10.00 mlm detik2 mcm ni...aku dah dipeluk tilam dan bantal. Kerana nak wish juga aku letakkan lidi mancis kat mata aku ni (haha..mcm iye2 je).

Lantas, aku berfikir, Aziem ni selalu tidur awal...boleh jadi sia-sia aje aku hantar, dah tu esok takut pulak bangun lambat. Al maklum lar morning sickness aku ni menjadi2.

Aziem dah warning aku-dia taknak kek. Dia nak KFC. Haha...ada aku nak beli.

Tapi bulan ni aku kena siapkan RM350 untuk dia, kena bagi sebab aku pernah pinjam RM250 kat dia...ala RM250 itu pown aku juga yang bagi...Hehe...

Bukan lutut busuk ...eh...busuk siku...tapi duit itu sebenarnya nak buka akaun Maybank. Al- Maklumlah jantan sekarang mengada2. Aku dah katakan dah sabar ziem..sabar...bukan penting pun. Biasanya kalau kau nak kerja, then kena buka akaun,time tu lah ko boleh buat akaun, siap tak perlukan RM250..tapi hanya RM50.

Macam aku, time nak kerja Shakeys Pizza kat AP tu,tu first time aku buka kad Maybank. Dengan bermodalkan RM50 jer.

Syaratnya ada borang pelepasan mcm tulah dari tempat kerja tu, hah kan senang.

Susah betul kalau dah berlagak besar. Mentang2 lah konon, tapi al ceritanya, duit RM250 tu dia tak buat bank kad lagi sebabnya dia tu bawah umur. Hahaha...

Aje-aje beratur line kat bank tu, last2 gimmick jer. Kakak kaunter tu siap cakap tunngu adik 18 tahun baru adik boleh ye...sekarang blah lah ziem....Hahaha..

Aku pown x tahu. Then dia keep duit tu....aku pulak tibe2 sesak...apa lagi..

Aku akui aziem ni pandai jaga duit....simpan betul2..tak mcm aku..selalunyer akulah yang meminjam nyer...hehehe...

Well AZiem ni bukanlah boypren aku...bukanlah anak ikan gaks...tapi adik aku...Hahahahaahah..

Oledh itu aku rasa dengan RM350 tu, ganti RM250 + Interest RM100 (Mana2 aku hutang sikit kan)....dan aku tahu lebih tu....halalkan jer....lar..(akuni kakak yg baik)...tak yah cakap aku tahu.

Ahaks. So, berbaloi lah aku tidur dulu....heheh....besok jer lah aku sms....ok...

Sebab lidi mancis aku dah patah....Hhahahaha.....

Tapak Kaki Sejuk

Tiba2 jer lepas minum teh hijau,masuk bilik tak sampai 15 minit tapak kakiku sejuk sgt2. Tak pernah macam ni sejuk and tak pernah aku nak diet minum teh hijau pon. Tiba2 nak minum teh kat dapur takde teh.Ada teh hijau Boh housemate aku punyer. Bantai jer lah janji teh namanyer.Expired lambat lagi-April 2010. Mmm...tibaijer...tibe2 je kompilasi mcm ni. Dari nak berdiet aku makan...bagi panas sikit badan makan panas2 meggi.

Aku cari stokin tebal takder..baru ingat aku dah campak ke mulut sampah. Huhu. Ten pakai stokin nipis. So, tibe2 aku survey 2 ni compilasi teh hijau jgan minum semasa anda dibawah pengaruh ubat dan PMS.
Kebetulan aku berada didua2 zon sekarang, aku sedang menjalani rawatan ubat BP aku ni, baru berjinak2 selepas kena tegur dengan Dr.Norlida.

Then,tiba2 aku PMS ni. (Skrg ni perut ku pedih tiba2 dan aku rasa selain macam jer sejak terminum teh hijau tu)......

huhuhuuuhuhuhuhuh........................... =(

What will I love most?

Well....sometimes, I do think and imagine if I were not here. Far from the city and all the problem and no mistake.
I imagine I was in the beach,lying and sitting on white sand. The view is only a blue ocean, strong wind which make crab can't walk. Seeing those, with having nice cold drink with hat,black eyeglass,and slipper.
And sometimes,I was hope I wont sleep for a whole day,as usual I did when I was 'schooling
year'...just thinking and schedule until finish what I need to do next and taken to corrective action. But I dont brave enough. Yet,Tired.
What after all, I was thinking for how long have I been not going back to Domino. I may had blacken my reputation there.
And wondering why there is no catfish callover the project??
And also hopefully been forgive by people of the TNB-an home and office of a group people. I ruin all the accounts. And I dont have face to turning back.

I am sorry Kak. Huuhu.

Then,I decided to finish what I can. Im going back to Domino this end weeks. And also getting back the catfish.
Tomorrow is working day. Hopefully everything was wonderful...I loves work..I loves work..I loves????......

Amin

If only I know where to stop

Corresponding on Monday interview, they did call me for second interview with the CEO. I don't expect it too early, as they did not tell me there is a second interview coming up. So, I can't make a wise decision. Because they just mentioned they will get back to me in one or two weeks after.
Feeling grumpy, I call mom, as she really loves to hear this kind of stories. I bet. She won't prefer me to go. Unless, it was from bank. And, I don't know what keeps her think that working in bank is GOOD. Everything is GOOD=BANK=GOOD=IM WORKING IN BANK=GOOD.(Irritates me)

If only I know where to stop this kind of 'GOOD' and start whole over again on my career field. I know I did well on the interview as I make them believe to hire me. But somehow, however, something distract me to moves my step. Those are:

1) Mom & Siblings - It's a commitment for me. And I don’t lied it is a burden. Little but undesired. Well, the paid is my consideration after all. I don't know since when this become my priority. Could it be as my repent for past, a repent for spending RM25, 000 in just a 'click time'.
So, I can get back to my track. Honestly, the guilty is the 'guiltiness'.

2) My Dream/My Desire - This is all what I want and be. All I need probably. All I hopefully.
My dream is to be bests among the people I coordinate. Of course. This range to my personality,appearance,career,professionals,and charisma. I lose on the first two. But I was try to building my third. I find it was difficult. It’s not a pain, but much. Something blocked me.
Money? Lonely? Evil?

If only prayers were answered. Then I should repent twice.

I wish on 5 years more I could earn my living of RM5-6k. Could it be? I have 5 'child'. Am I bad to think my burden is what distract my journey now. Why so. I am so sad.
That’s why I leave home and make myself earn living. By hook and crook, she is my mom. There are my siblings. Sometimes, I find myself trapped by them, like feeling horrible to be in charge/ oldest sibling -which at a same time it wasn't actually. Just fated brought it.

Can fated be changed. Can my fated been adjust? I don’t want to be here, this stood was too sorrow and deep. I clashed all my dreams and responsibility.

I know, human all it-knows that. But, cant mom is more supportive towards me. Shut up about BANK. And gratefully what I am doing in this hotel. The paid is lower compare what I have in accounting degree. But.....I am feeling great than pervious road.

I could be think that account is no more for me. Maybe I just urged myself. So why and why I had wasted 4 years in university. What I get back?

Sometime, I think world is so unfair for me. Not even once of 'pity' from God. Or luck. I harsh it up or blown it away. Fated is liable for it. I know mom helps me much, but not much. I am so poor and still poor. And they keep me poor by demanding. Where is my grandstand? Do they gives me a good living.

She marries with a 'fucked' guy. Not working and got 5 children. Not even supportive when I am going to college but then yelled back and kiss my asshole money. That’s fucking guy owed me much than the RM2000. Does he thinks I am going to be his babysitter and find money to this family as I don’t get once a prosper shirt/or money. And he can died rich with his second wife fucking in grave.

Mom ...and..she is just mouth-off. I hated.

Please ..if there is a answer for me to release this at a same time. Even I have to sacrifice my dream.


I can't deny what I believe
I can't be what I'm not
I know I'll love forever
I know, no matter what

If only tears were laughter
If only night was day

If only prayers were answered
Then we would hear God say

Interview Allianz

Harini pukul 2.00 ptg supposely di plaza sentral aku ada appointment for interview. So, by hook and crook setelah di timbal2 perasaan acuh dan tak acuh nak pergi atau tidak, tetiba je aku buat keputusan untuk pergi tepat pukul 8.00 pagi pada hari yang sama. Huh...! Macam mana tu. Itupun decision yang dibuat dalam keadaan mamai dan mengantuk tika aku atas tilam and bantal.

Actually, there is several factors lah yang menghalang aku untuk pergi, Selain kos dari segi masa dan wang, aku rasa sangat2 'berbahaya'. Sebab, kewangan cukup2 makan untuk tambang bulan ini. No extra2. One reason aku dah berbelanja banyak untuk raya. Then, i beliefs i already got what I expect so far within this line. So far. Or, much better to said it as I dah in comfort zone in my current work place.So, why I want to go?...and awat aku gatal2 pi apply kat jobstreet lagi... ni memang masalah jiwa yang aku sendiri tak tahu kenapa aku nak lari. Maybe pushing of surrounding....due to mentality that i should get paid more based on my degree qualification.

Then, suddenly when got the call for interview aku gabra semacam. Sebabnya aku rasa macam aniayai diri dan janji aku yang dulu nak proofkan yang aku boleh 1 year kat bidang hotel ni. Huhuhu. Well......where is the words.....????..Wake up..TK.!!

Aku akui hotel industry ni bukan lah long term goal aku, so better aku act quick. So i wont agreed my experience may potentially wasted mcm tu jer in a year later. As working what I am now is not a best tools to boost up my dream...so what happen ni..??

Is this fate or rezeki yang org selalu cakapkan tu......(hurm....)

Well, cerita interview Allianz tu wqas very niche and horror. Perhaps. Well I could be pass with all the answer by the interviewer, but I wont think it suit my ways in future and upcoming.
They ask a lot, why and so why, what and what what, ( with smile ..i kick with good answer , i prepared.)...
But the post seem a routine..and benefit of paid slightly not much differ with what I whave so far. But the way of the HOD of maybe my future department seem not very believes me , like what Humty Dumty may more like me....even I hate him....(Ahaks)...dont think so...but at least yea...

So...my mom shock I did attend the interview. Cos she was thought I wont be there. But I have my opinion. I told my mom, no matter what opportunity is it that I may not want to take, if I do have a time to stole some of it, I will see what beneath lies behind those. What I will may lose or gain, I have to have a try and faith. And of course there is a risk or sacrifice. Like my sacrifice is MC and act like sick in front of Doc to get those bills.

My lesson today after I back from interview was, I still valuable and happy. This is what suppose to be for mean time. Because there is a promise need to compromise yet.

Amin.

Pertunangan Snow White

Kenyang perut harini pergi rumah Snow White,ada tapau lagi pulut kuning. Alhamdulilah majlis tunang Snow White berjalan dengan lancar dan cuaca cerah selepas baju Snow White dibaling keatas atap. Cerita Snow White kat aku, grandmanya 'campak' bak ikut petua orang dulu2 bila hari hujan. Aku pun baru tahu. Kalau macam itu aku nak try nanti bila hujan, and if hari yang aku bertunang. He he.
Aku bertolak pukul 11.00pagi dan ambil lrt ke Bandar Tasek Selatan, lalu ambil Teksi ke Taman Conought. Kos RM10.00. Dalam 20 minit sampai ke rumah yang dituju.
Aku nampak Snow White all in classic grey. Very cute and nice. All her niece,aunty,and family are cool and nice people. Makanan pun sedap sedap. Ada lauk udang sambal,ayam kari rendang special,sayur campur,daging negro (daging masak kicap lar) ,dan air sirap yg best pernah aku minum. Semacam sirap berries. Aku pun pakat2 sebelum itu bergambar bersama Snow White.
Gembiranya suasana nya. Akhirnya aku dapat juga bertemu jejaka yang mencuri hati Snow White. Tak sangka,biasa2 sahaja orangnya. Gempal. Aku ingatkan sehensem putera Snow White di dalam buku itu.Orangnya besar juga. Semoga sesuailah mereka sehendakNya, Amin.
Aku tumpang dua2 kaki,(bukan sebelah je) bila tengok Snow White happy. Terasa aura tunang gembira Snow white berpacaran dekat dengan aku. Macam mana lah pula masanya aku nak bertunang.
Sebenarnya,ini pengalaman pertama aku bertunang. Sebab aku tak pernah pergi ke rumah orang yang bertunang. Aku tak sangka juga akuni jemputan khas ke sana. Macam2 soalan aku tanya Snow White, etc:-pihak lelaki tak naik bilik sarung cincin ke, hantaran duit lipatan bunga tiadake, yang lagi teruk aku boleh pelik lelaki datang sekali masa meminang. Haha.
Aku ingatkan diaorang akan duk terkebu kat rumah sorang2. Mana drama lama aku tengok ni.
Ye lah zaman dah berubah.
Masa pulang,aunty dia tolong hantarkan straigh terus ke rumah aku, tak turun lrt pun. Best kan hidup free. Makan free. Pengangkutan free. Hahaha.


Aku dah penat ni,penat makan. Huhu.Aku nak tidur kejap kat bilik ni. Bilik?.Aku masuk tadi tak nampak lantai.Aku ingat tempat pemusnah barang2 sampah. Huhuhu. Buruknya perangai.
Hehe.