MARUAH DIPIJAK DENGAN PUNGGUK

Aku macam dah sedia yang aku akan berhenti kerja. Mungkin sangat digalakkan oleh lebai malang dan sedikit memburukkan imej bodoh aku ini. Entah bila lah aku mampu dan boleh melepaskan kerja jawatan ini.
Hari ni dalam sejarah. Apabila aku dimaki teruk dengan burung pungguk botak. Kisah yang tidak pernah di jangka. Aku kini lebih marah dan geram kerana gagal sekali lagi tersungkur.
Aku hanya menjalankan tugas ku..Its my job.
Aku cuba mengambil tahu dan up to date akan kerja ku. Aku cuma mahu berada di garis betul.
Manakan tahu hendak jadi begini, si setan pungguk botak itu hanyalah PA kepada seorang kawan lebai malang, dan lebih menyedihkan perasan mempunyai kuasa Illahi. Seolah-olah aku yang bersalah, dan segala-galanya.
Kata2nya umpama duri yang beracun apabila dengan lantang membesarkan suara "AWAK TAHU SIAPA SAYA, AWAK INGAT SAYA NI SIAPA,SAYA BOLEH BUAT SOMETHING KAT AWAK TAU, AKU NANGIS DALAM HATI.
AKU BENCI BILA ADA MEREKA YANG BERBUAT BEGINI. AKU BENCI MEREKA.
AKU BENCI.
AKU TIDAK SEDAR APA YANG AKU BALAS PERKATAAN AKU HAMPIR BERKATA BAHAWA MACAM ORANG TAK WARAS NAK MARAH AKU.
AKU PEDULI APA. KEMUDIAN DIA MAHU BERJUMPA DAN SURUH AKU KE BAWAH. BUNYI BETUL2 JAHAT DAN TUSUK. AKU TIDAK MAHU MEMANJANGKAN LALU AKU MEMOHON MAAF DENGAN MENELEFON SEMULA. AKU BERKATA DENGAN MENUNDUK DIRI DAN TERASA MACAM AKU MELETAKKAN MARUAH NI DI BAWAH TAPAK KAKI BATANG PUNGGUK TU. AKU TERASA DIRI AKU LEMAH. AKU BENCI.
LALU AKU KEBALKAN MULUT YANG AKU MINTA MAAF DAN DIA SEPERTI GEMBIRA.


AKU DECLARED PERANG SEKALI LAGI...

Hepi BesDay AziEM

Detik 00.00 pagi 28.10.2009 ni aku nak sms Aziem nak wish Happy Besday kat dia. Selalunya pukul 10.00 mlm detik2 mcm ni...aku dah dipeluk tilam dan bantal. Kerana nak wish juga aku letakkan lidi mancis kat mata aku ni (haha..mcm iye2 je).

Lantas, aku berfikir, Aziem ni selalu tidur awal...boleh jadi sia-sia aje aku hantar, dah tu esok takut pulak bangun lambat. Al maklum lar morning sickness aku ni menjadi2.

Aziem dah warning aku-dia taknak kek. Dia nak KFC. Haha...ada aku nak beli.

Tapi bulan ni aku kena siapkan RM350 untuk dia, kena bagi sebab aku pernah pinjam RM250 kat dia...ala RM250 itu pown aku juga yang bagi...Hehe...

Bukan lutut busuk ...eh...busuk siku...tapi duit itu sebenarnya nak buka akaun Maybank. Al- Maklumlah jantan sekarang mengada2. Aku dah katakan dah sabar ziem..sabar...bukan penting pun. Biasanya kalau kau nak kerja, then kena buka akaun,time tu lah ko boleh buat akaun, siap tak perlukan RM250..tapi hanya RM50.

Macam aku, time nak kerja Shakeys Pizza kat AP tu,tu first time aku buka kad Maybank. Dengan bermodalkan RM50 jer.

Syaratnya ada borang pelepasan mcm tulah dari tempat kerja tu, hah kan senang.

Susah betul kalau dah berlagak besar. Mentang2 lah konon, tapi al ceritanya, duit RM250 tu dia tak buat bank kad lagi sebabnya dia tu bawah umur. Hahaha...

Aje-aje beratur line kat bank tu, last2 gimmick jer. Kakak kaunter tu siap cakap tunngu adik 18 tahun baru adik boleh ye...sekarang blah lah ziem....Hahaha..

Aku pown x tahu. Then dia keep duit tu....aku pulak tibe2 sesak...apa lagi..

Aku akui aziem ni pandai jaga duit....simpan betul2..tak mcm aku..selalunyer akulah yang meminjam nyer...hehehe...

Well AZiem ni bukanlah boypren aku...bukanlah anak ikan gaks...tapi adik aku...Hahahahaahah..

Oledh itu aku rasa dengan RM350 tu, ganti RM250 + Interest RM100 (Mana2 aku hutang sikit kan)....dan aku tahu lebih tu....halalkan jer....lar..(akuni kakak yg baik)...tak yah cakap aku tahu.

Ahaks. So, berbaloi lah aku tidur dulu....heheh....besok jer lah aku sms....ok...

Sebab lidi mancis aku dah patah....Hhahahaha.....

Tapak Kaki Sejuk

Tiba2 jer lepas minum teh hijau,masuk bilik tak sampai 15 minit tapak kakiku sejuk sgt2. Tak pernah macam ni sejuk and tak pernah aku nak diet minum teh hijau pon. Tiba2 nak minum teh kat dapur takde teh.Ada teh hijau Boh housemate aku punyer. Bantai jer lah janji teh namanyer.Expired lambat lagi-April 2010. Mmm...tibaijer...tibe2 je kompilasi mcm ni. Dari nak berdiet aku makan...bagi panas sikit badan makan panas2 meggi.

Aku cari stokin tebal takder..baru ingat aku dah campak ke mulut sampah. Huhu. Ten pakai stokin nipis. So, tibe2 aku survey 2 ni compilasi teh hijau jgan minum semasa anda dibawah pengaruh ubat dan PMS.
Kebetulan aku berada didua2 zon sekarang, aku sedang menjalani rawatan ubat BP aku ni, baru berjinak2 selepas kena tegur dengan Dr.Norlida.

Then,tiba2 aku PMS ni. (Skrg ni perut ku pedih tiba2 dan aku rasa selain macam jer sejak terminum teh hijau tu)......

huhuhuuuhuhuhuhuh........................... =(

What will I love most?

Well....sometimes, I do think and imagine if I were not here. Far from the city and all the problem and no mistake.
I imagine I was in the beach,lying and sitting on white sand. The view is only a blue ocean, strong wind which make crab can't walk. Seeing those, with having nice cold drink with hat,black eyeglass,and slipper.
And sometimes,I was hope I wont sleep for a whole day,as usual I did when I was 'schooling
year'...just thinking and schedule until finish what I need to do next and taken to corrective action. But I dont brave enough. Yet,Tired.
What after all, I was thinking for how long have I been not going back to Domino. I may had blacken my reputation there.
And wondering why there is no catfish callover the project??
And also hopefully been forgive by people of the TNB-an home and office of a group people. I ruin all the accounts. And I dont have face to turning back.

I am sorry Kak. Huuhu.

Then,I decided to finish what I can. Im going back to Domino this end weeks. And also getting back the catfish.
Tomorrow is working day. Hopefully everything was wonderful...I loves work..I loves work..I loves????......

Amin

If only I know where to stop

Corresponding on Monday interview, they did call me for second interview with the CEO. I don't expect it too early, as they did not tell me there is a second interview coming up. So, I can't make a wise decision. Because they just mentioned they will get back to me in one or two weeks after.
Feeling grumpy, I call mom, as she really loves to hear this kind of stories. I bet. She won't prefer me to go. Unless, it was from bank. And, I don't know what keeps her think that working in bank is GOOD. Everything is GOOD=BANK=GOOD=IM WORKING IN BANK=GOOD.(Irritates me)

If only I know where to stop this kind of 'GOOD' and start whole over again on my career field. I know I did well on the interview as I make them believe to hire me. But somehow, however, something distract me to moves my step. Those are:

1) Mom & Siblings - It's a commitment for me. And I don’t lied it is a burden. Little but undesired. Well, the paid is my consideration after all. I don't know since when this become my priority. Could it be as my repent for past, a repent for spending RM25, 000 in just a 'click time'.
So, I can get back to my track. Honestly, the guilty is the 'guiltiness'.

2) My Dream/My Desire - This is all what I want and be. All I need probably. All I hopefully.
My dream is to be bests among the people I coordinate. Of course. This range to my personality,appearance,career,professionals,and charisma. I lose on the first two. But I was try to building my third. I find it was difficult. It’s not a pain, but much. Something blocked me.
Money? Lonely? Evil?

If only prayers were answered. Then I should repent twice.

I wish on 5 years more I could earn my living of RM5-6k. Could it be? I have 5 'child'. Am I bad to think my burden is what distract my journey now. Why so. I am so sad.
That’s why I leave home and make myself earn living. By hook and crook, she is my mom. There are my siblings. Sometimes, I find myself trapped by them, like feeling horrible to be in charge/ oldest sibling -which at a same time it wasn't actually. Just fated brought it.

Can fated be changed. Can my fated been adjust? I don’t want to be here, this stood was too sorrow and deep. I clashed all my dreams and responsibility.

I know, human all it-knows that. But, cant mom is more supportive towards me. Shut up about BANK. And gratefully what I am doing in this hotel. The paid is lower compare what I have in accounting degree. But.....I am feeling great than pervious road.

I could be think that account is no more for me. Maybe I just urged myself. So why and why I had wasted 4 years in university. What I get back?

Sometime, I think world is so unfair for me. Not even once of 'pity' from God. Or luck. I harsh it up or blown it away. Fated is liable for it. I know mom helps me much, but not much. I am so poor and still poor. And they keep me poor by demanding. Where is my grandstand? Do they gives me a good living.

She marries with a 'fucked' guy. Not working and got 5 children. Not even supportive when I am going to college but then yelled back and kiss my asshole money. That’s fucking guy owed me much than the RM2000. Does he thinks I am going to be his babysitter and find money to this family as I don’t get once a prosper shirt/or money. And he can died rich with his second wife fucking in grave.

Mom ...and..she is just mouth-off. I hated.

Please ..if there is a answer for me to release this at a same time. Even I have to sacrifice my dream.


I can't deny what I believe
I can't be what I'm not
I know I'll love forever
I know, no matter what

If only tears were laughter
If only night was day

If only prayers were answered
Then we would hear God say

Interview Allianz

Harini pukul 2.00 ptg supposely di plaza sentral aku ada appointment for interview. So, by hook and crook setelah di timbal2 perasaan acuh dan tak acuh nak pergi atau tidak, tetiba je aku buat keputusan untuk pergi tepat pukul 8.00 pagi pada hari yang sama. Huh...! Macam mana tu. Itupun decision yang dibuat dalam keadaan mamai dan mengantuk tika aku atas tilam and bantal.

Actually, there is several factors lah yang menghalang aku untuk pergi, Selain kos dari segi masa dan wang, aku rasa sangat2 'berbahaya'. Sebab, kewangan cukup2 makan untuk tambang bulan ini. No extra2. One reason aku dah berbelanja banyak untuk raya. Then, i beliefs i already got what I expect so far within this line. So far. Or, much better to said it as I dah in comfort zone in my current work place.So, why I want to go?...and awat aku gatal2 pi apply kat jobstreet lagi... ni memang masalah jiwa yang aku sendiri tak tahu kenapa aku nak lari. Maybe pushing of surrounding....due to mentality that i should get paid more based on my degree qualification.

Then, suddenly when got the call for interview aku gabra semacam. Sebabnya aku rasa macam aniayai diri dan janji aku yang dulu nak proofkan yang aku boleh 1 year kat bidang hotel ni. Huhuhu. Well......where is the words.....????..Wake up..TK.!!

Aku akui hotel industry ni bukan lah long term goal aku, so better aku act quick. So i wont agreed my experience may potentially wasted mcm tu jer in a year later. As working what I am now is not a best tools to boost up my dream...so what happen ni..??

Is this fate or rezeki yang org selalu cakapkan tu......(hurm....)

Well, cerita interview Allianz tu wqas very niche and horror. Perhaps. Well I could be pass with all the answer by the interviewer, but I wont think it suit my ways in future and upcoming.
They ask a lot, why and so why, what and what what, ( with smile ..i kick with good answer , i prepared.)...
But the post seem a routine..and benefit of paid slightly not much differ with what I whave so far. But the way of the HOD of maybe my future department seem not very believes me , like what Humty Dumty may more like me....even I hate him....(Ahaks)...dont think so...but at least yea...

So...my mom shock I did attend the interview. Cos she was thought I wont be there. But I have my opinion. I told my mom, no matter what opportunity is it that I may not want to take, if I do have a time to stole some of it, I will see what beneath lies behind those. What I will may lose or gain, I have to have a try and faith. And of course there is a risk or sacrifice. Like my sacrifice is MC and act like sick in front of Doc to get those bills.

My lesson today after I back from interview was, I still valuable and happy. This is what suppose to be for mean time. Because there is a promise need to compromise yet.

Amin.

Pertunangan Snow White

Kenyang perut harini pergi rumah Snow White,ada tapau lagi pulut kuning. Alhamdulilah majlis tunang Snow White berjalan dengan lancar dan cuaca cerah selepas baju Snow White dibaling keatas atap. Cerita Snow White kat aku, grandmanya 'campak' bak ikut petua orang dulu2 bila hari hujan. Aku pun baru tahu. Kalau macam itu aku nak try nanti bila hujan, and if hari yang aku bertunang. He he.
Aku bertolak pukul 11.00pagi dan ambil lrt ke Bandar Tasek Selatan, lalu ambil Teksi ke Taman Conought. Kos RM10.00. Dalam 20 minit sampai ke rumah yang dituju.
Aku nampak Snow White all in classic grey. Very cute and nice. All her niece,aunty,and family are cool and nice people. Makanan pun sedap sedap. Ada lauk udang sambal,ayam kari rendang special,sayur campur,daging negro (daging masak kicap lar) ,dan air sirap yg best pernah aku minum. Semacam sirap berries. Aku pun pakat2 sebelum itu bergambar bersama Snow White.
Gembiranya suasana nya. Akhirnya aku dapat juga bertemu jejaka yang mencuri hati Snow White. Tak sangka,biasa2 sahaja orangnya. Gempal. Aku ingatkan sehensem putera Snow White di dalam buku itu.Orangnya besar juga. Semoga sesuailah mereka sehendakNya, Amin.
Aku tumpang dua2 kaki,(bukan sebelah je) bila tengok Snow White happy. Terasa aura tunang gembira Snow white berpacaran dekat dengan aku. Macam mana lah pula masanya aku nak bertunang.
Sebenarnya,ini pengalaman pertama aku bertunang. Sebab aku tak pernah pergi ke rumah orang yang bertunang. Aku tak sangka juga akuni jemputan khas ke sana. Macam2 soalan aku tanya Snow White, etc:-pihak lelaki tak naik bilik sarung cincin ke, hantaran duit lipatan bunga tiadake, yang lagi teruk aku boleh pelik lelaki datang sekali masa meminang. Haha.
Aku ingatkan diaorang akan duk terkebu kat rumah sorang2. Mana drama lama aku tengok ni.
Ye lah zaman dah berubah.
Masa pulang,aunty dia tolong hantarkan straigh terus ke rumah aku, tak turun lrt pun. Best kan hidup free. Makan free. Pengangkutan free. Hahaha.


Aku dah penat ni,penat makan. Huhu.Aku nak tidur kejap kat bilik ni. Bilik?.Aku masuk tadi tak nampak lantai.Aku ingat tempat pemusnah barang2 sampah. Huhuhu. Buruknya perangai.
Hehe.